Wow...

So looking at my posting, I was over 100 posts in the first few years, even over 200, and then last year only 52 and this year so far only 1...and I didn't even post on my anniversary as I've done every other year.

I guess I could blame school and work, I mean class two nights a week and a job that has this stuff blocked (I used to type something up and post it at lunch), it just has become difficult...

A quick little catchup. I ran my first ever 7K race on the 20th of March, that was interesting, I told people I hoped to run 8 minute miles, and a few days prior to that had what I thought was a slow run but actually was 8 minutes so figured that should be easy...ended up doing a Garmin based 7:05 for the distance I ran and official 7:15 pace.

End of March I made my trip that had been postponed because I was an idiot and misplaced my passport so missed Mexico. However I went to San Juan, Puerto Rico and had a blast so maybe it was OK that I misplaced it.

OK, this is short, I know, but I do have things I need to do before crawling into bed in a little bit. But since I've been negligent I just wanted to post something.

In Defense...of Self?

Why the need to defend myself? Why the need to create excuses? Why the need to hide? You’d think I’m committing a crime. What is all this related to? Eating. Yes. The evil horrible thing that people do, don’t do, or try to hide how they do it. I’m getting so frustrated at always having to defend myself. I right now am ten pounds heavier than I should be, or that I want to be, either or, it doesn’t matter I weigh more than I want to and I don’t like it and something needs to change, but I can’t make a comment about it for the backlash I get from people that “oh you don’t have to lose weight”…

However, I’ve been trying to be better, trying to diet (could be all the snacking I’ve been doing that is causing me to gain weight…I know that, I’m not dumb!) and drop some weight and be healthier. I’m reading a book that has me bothered…Good Calories, Bad Calories…now I’m reading it with a little skepticism because the guy is a big Atkins follower, so he’s very anti-carb (or so I’ve heard) but there are things in it, information we follow, based on studies that are pretty bogus…and that scares me…really it’s now a matter of who do I believe and trust and what should I eat? So I’m trying to go more natural, and more healthy…the biggest culprit of course I know is sugar. Sugar no matter who you listen to should be limited so I’m really trying there. In fact knowing I needed to break the habit, I realized Lent was coming up, and fallen away Catholic that I am, I rarely follow the code and give something up, or even skip the meat during Friday’s…but I decided since I was trying to break sugar anyway, I would use this time to give up sweets…that’s right….and I’m writing it here, even though I’m doubting anyone is even checking in anymore I’ve barely written. And part of the reason though, is when I have to pass on sweets etc, I can use the “it’s Lent and I gave up sweets for Lent” and people will understand. Just trying to be healthy I’d get flack for, but telling people I gave it up for Lent…well that’s OK. It sucks.

Of course I know I’m weak so I had to make a few exceptions, I know myself and I know I can’t just give up sweets and be done. They are too ingrained in me, but for the next 40 days (Sunday’s don’t count, although this week my Sunday is Saturday cause I have the Food and Wine Show in town and there are lots of dessert places that are there and I want to enjoy the day that I paid a lot to attend!). Overall I am not going to eat candy or most other sweets…the exception I put in is “healthy” sweets…and cookies well, those even have limits. If I have a cookie, it’s the Kashi ones or my homemade oatmeal ones with flax, wheat flour and low sugar. The other slight exceptions are healthy sugared cereals, of which there are two that fit what I’m doing, Special K Chocolate and Trader Joe’s Honey Nut O’s…OK, this is giving me what seems like a lot of outs, but really it’s not that much (and partly the cereals made it because well, I have some in the house I don’t want going bad!!), and I’m doing what I can to make this work and be able to stick to it. Also, it’s not the unlimited eat the whole box of cereal in a sitting like I’ve been doing, but only one serving a day and think of all that is out…candy bars, cake, ice cream, desserts...yesterday the only sugar I had other than two pieces of fruit were the Kashi cookie after lunch and a slice of banana bread…I think that’s pretty darn good, considering my last 4 classes all I ate was candy the entire night. I’m hoping this cutting of sugar will help though with the ten pounds I need to take off. Thing is, I am at the point, hence my opening rant, where I get frustrated because people make or choose to make comments about my health habits etc…I eat eggbeaters and wheat toast for breakfast everyday. Usually when I’m getting lunch I have things like healthy popcorn or fruit I’m getting out of the fridge in the cafeteria…and I hear comments about it. They aren’t anything bad, they are meant in fun, but when it’s practically everyday it gets frustrating and I am tired of just grinning and bearing it…but I continue to do so. People learn I’m a runner and think that must mean I’m super healthy and I’m far from it, but I want to be better and I hate that that gets me more flack than the people that eat out of the vending machine everyday…or those that bring crap for meals…or those that eat the donuts every Friday (and I’ve been known to eat those donuts…this Friday will be my first real test and that’s the other part of my rant, because of this image people have, I have to avoid the donuts or hear about it, so I sneak them and then it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong, how awful is that…sneak in when no one is in there so I can get one…). It’s all very frustrating. I’m sorry, if I don’t comment on your eating habits and the crap you do to your body, why can you comment on my healthy habits and give me flack about it?

SKOL VIKINGS!!!!

You have the NFC North Championship...Let's get the NFC Championship today!!!

Dealing with Stupidity

This time my own. I ruined what was supposed to be a great week. I was going to be on the beach in Puerto Vallarta...sipping cocktails and Mexican beer, enjoying 80 degree temps, running on the beach, and spending a New Years Eve outside of the country, heck, outside of Minnesota. I was going on my own, but fully expected to get to know people while I was there and have a good time. Mainly it was the beach, the ocean, and sun that I was looking forward to, after what was a rough Christmas...not quite as bad as I expected it to be, but still sad and lonely with that person missing from the table. Unfortunately I was stupid. When I booked the trip, and at other times during the time leading it up to it I thought, hmm....I should double check that lockbox and make sure my passport is where it is supposed to be. I had had it out in August for something (misplaced driver's license) but was sure it had been put away....Last night, 5 pm, I went to get it and stick it with the rest of my stuff...no passport. I ripped apart my room and then the rest of the house and could not find it. Unfortunately doing this at 5 pm on a Saturday when you are flying at 7:30 am on Sunday there is nothing you can do to replace it. My birth certificate was there, but of course that doesn't help anymore going to Mexico. So instead of being on a flight right now, heading to warmth, I'm stuck in MN...had to change the ticket, which was non-refundable so while I'll get some of it back, I won't get all of it. And it was late for cancelling the hotel too, so a charge for that...but none of that is even what matters...I didn't care about that, I care about the fact that I'm an idiot and ruined what was going to be a nice relaxing time. It doesn't surprise me though. Karma can be a bitch and I probably deserve it for things I've done...I wish I was a better person, but I think this proves I'm not. When I booked the trip too, I intentionally booked it for new years because I get tired of always being the one that has to plan and work hard to get people together for it...this year I wasn't going to be here so no worries. Now I most likely will just sit home and be upset with myself for screwing up this trip.

Stolen From a Friend, Who Stole it from a Friend...

I found this to be quite an interesting read...and unfortunately where I got it is a situation that too bad she hadn't seen this sooner...but then again when emotions are involved we don't always get the rational anyway...

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent,it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married,they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i. e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. i) Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? ii) Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". "So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?" Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: i) How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.? ii) How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them! iii) Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ... for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger,you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY? The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm,wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married". Feelings, as we have discussed,have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain. Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed,is a very long time to spend with one person. This person will live with you,eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children. You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations. Will this person be a good partner? Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it? Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person? They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children. If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person alone, with the task of raising and forming your children? This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person. Does this person share your faith in God? God does not give us children so that we can mold them into the coolest, most popular people in school. Our job is to get them to heaven. To do that, we need to raise them believing in God. It is tough to do that if only one parent believes.Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children? Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong! There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel. There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your spouse is being faithful? These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person. None of this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you.' You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person is a good choice. Don't listen to your heart alone nor your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.

Nike

Alright, this was a marathon I had always wanted to do simply because of the Tiffany’s pendant and the firemen in tuxedos (and I had never been to San Francisco and I really wanted an excuse to go)…the rest, well, it’s a mainly women marathon, that in and of itself kind of got to me a bit…but I’ll get to that.

I flew into San Francisco on the 15th, race was the 18th, and flight home on the 19th. Originally was going to visit a friend and then she had her situation change so I was on my own…I had names of people to contact but I kind of was OK with being there on my own. My flight was through Denver and had an hour so I had mimosa, and then a second…then found my flight was delayed so had two more…oops…maybe not a good idea but oh well. A bit buzzed I get to San Fran an hour or so later than originally planned but that was OK. Called my dad, let him know I got there safe, had a little confusing finding the BART but eventually did and was on my way into the city. Got off the train, grabbed a slice of pizza to soak up the mimosas and headed to my hotel. I wasn’t able to check in yet but dropped my bags and got directions to Fisherman’s Wharf…via cable car. That was an adventure. I would NEVER drive in that city!! Got to the wharf though and wandered around, saw seals, Alcatraz, the Golden Gate…eventually got a ride back and then never managed to use the pass I bought again because lines were just too long. On the way back stopped at the expo, what there was of it, I was definitely NOT impressed by it to get my packet and then went to the hotel to finally check in. After changing and resting a bit I decided food was in order, but Obama was in town and a place I had scoped out was not able to get to because streets were blocked off…yeah, that was fun. He was at a hotel directly across from the expo so talk about a major cluster f***!! Anyway, eventually found a bar, ordered a beer and figured out that unlike in MN where most bars also serve food, this was not one…I ended up getting another slice of pizza later, but was interesting because I was talking to two guys there that were originally from MN (learned this because I heard them talking about the Vikings) had fun at this bar when I heard a song I had requested from the band playing too. Eventually headed to another place (after getting my food), this time right near my hotel, where I ended up talking to a guy from Texas and friends he had made earlier in the week (he was there on business). The others left but he and I headed to a karaoke bar I had seen earlier, didn’t sing, but hung out a bit, then went to a dive bar around the corner…eventually called it a night though…next morning was a bit rough, but I did get up to have lunch with the Texas guy before he headed home…Spent most of Friday vegging around the hotel, before eventually going out for food…was going to have a quiet day, hit Ghiradelli, wanted to go to Fisherman’s wharf again, but couldn’t get a cable car and never checked on buses…anyway, did have fun just browsing Union Square…and eventually was out again at a few bars around the area and had a nice evening meeting a few different people. Saturday was a bit rough again because of someone insisting shots should be done…yikes…but I eventually got out and had an excellent meal at a restaurant. No reservation and it was busy for later, but I was allowed in if I could be out by 6, which was easy since it was 5 when I got there. I ended up talking to the two women who were seated right by me and had a very excellent meal…(good enough I had it again the next day after the marathon!!). I was supposed to meet some friends maybe for dinner but just couldn’t get myself out and hadn’t been able to get out and see Kara Goucher talk either, which is a bummer but oh well. I had heard Joan Benoit-Samuelson on Thursday so that was cool.

So Sunday morning, race morning…I was up and out the door around 6:15, I was only 2 blocks from the start, all downhill too…so that was easy enough. Weather was around 50, slightly humid and nice so I was in a skirt and short sleeved shirt with my tube sock sleeves and then stuff for my drop bag. When I got to the race start, I was able to get a hold of Dori and her friends and hung with them till race start. For the first time I carried my phone with me, as well as my camera, which I will never do again…more on that later. Race was a cluster at the start…I couldn’t even get into the corals and I know people out there were not running the 9-9:30 I had been kind of planning to run (that’s till the hills hit!!). I had no idea what I could do but figured 4 hours was maybe right…but seriously, Nike does need to work on getting this start handled better. There is a half and a full and most of the half I swear are up with the full and both are the same course and there are 20,000+ people so really makes for a mess. Luckily streets are wide and easy to get around. You head through the financial district, then past Fisherman’s Wharf and then turn some corners and would see the Golden Gate if it’s not foggy!! Headed then around a place where you could see a huge hill in the distance…not a fun climb!! And it went up and up…eventually there is a decent downhill, and then more ups and downs along the way. Good aid stations, decent crowds, some fun inspirational signs…when you get to mile 10, there is an awesome downhill to the beach and it’s gorgeous views…then you turn and the half breaks off and the full gets to keep going…and out and back and then another section where you are near the half runners again, before heading out along the beach, slightly uphill, but not overly noticeable, till you really climb and look down on Lake Merced, you go down around the lake, listening to a good band, they were playing Crazy by Prince as I ran past and I liked that. Mile 21 on the end of the lake before you start heading back to the ocean is where Ghiradelli is and who really wants chocolate then? I know I didn’t, but took some for later…water was a bit past there (should’ve been closer!!) and back up hill and finally to the band and back up to the top mile 24 and it finally is all downhill to the finish. You really can’t see the finish line till you get around a truck that was probably after mile 26, which I never saw…but when I finally saw the finish line I was never so happy to be done with a race. At one part around the lake I was even thinking I didn’t even care if I finished (and I was doing this for grandma) I just wanted to be done (and there was no good place to quit anyway), I didn’t care about the firemen or the pendant…but well, finally there was the finish line, I crossed, officially it was 4:19:19, saw the cute firemen, in tuxedos, holding silver platters with the Tiffany’s pendants…got my box, then went and got a picture taken with one of them…then off to get my shirt (I do like the shirt, nice bright turquoise color), got a banana and tried some chocolate milk, then wandered my way out, got my bag and headed to the shuttle…the line was so freaking long and the wait was probably 45 minutes to an hour…that I paid $10 to do as well….there were city buses I could’ve been taking had I realized, I mean seriously, if you have to pay to get back, you should not have to wait that long (or for that matter, walk that far)!! Eventually I got back though, showered and went to do something. I was supposed to go watch the Vikings if they were on somewhere, a bartender had promised to put them on, but they were done by then anyway, so I just hung out, had a beer and chatted with a couple of guys there…eventually left and got some food and then back to the hotel to crash. Got up, had breakfast and headed to the airport the next day…only to have flight out delayed because the incoming flight was delayed…and that made me miss my connection and since it was weather (even though weather was not bad and there was no reason they should’ve had to delay and apparently this happens all the time, so if they know that it happens why they don’t arrange things around that I don’t know…anyway, I was on standby for the last connection out of Denver, 10th on standby on a full flight in fact, and no, they wouldn’t pay for my hotel if I had to get one…so then I go to get to the planes and I get pulled out of the baggage line to have my suitcase measured…this is the same suitcase that I’ve owned since 2000/2001…the same suitcase that has traveled with me, oh, on I’d guess at least 20 flights since I bought it, maybe more…the same suitcase that never gets checked anymore since airlines charge now…the same suitcase I flew out with that FIT IN THE DAMN BIN and no, I didn’t need to check it…and of course the measure thing wasn’t quite working because the way the wheels are on the bag it wouldn’t go in fully…I was on the verge of tears and thought I’d end up in jail for talking back to the airport people…I was that mad…anyway, eventually got it proven that my suitcase worked and go through the line…got to Denver, of course missed my connection and had to stay overnight for $70…and up early, exhausted to get to work…and after all that, really decided travel isn’t fun anymore and I just don’t want to do it anymore…if I didn’t have a trip booked already in December, knowing I’d need to get away with as tough as Christmas is going to be…I would not be traveling again I don’t think. It’s just too hard and not fun anymore.

So, that’s the trip…Nike…I wouldn’t do the full again. I’d consider doing the half for the pendant again, but it’s not the most fun race in the world due to the poor organization at the beginning and end….plus it’s such a Team in Training event, that even barring the bad behavior TNT gets a bit known for (ie 4, 5, 10 across the road, walking, lining up at the front to walk etc), there are just so many coaches and such along the road that are all about TNT, they don’t cheer for any of the other runners, and especially when you are there on your own, hearing people yell only for TNT is a bit disheartening…and I’m not even one that does it for that, most times these days I don’t have my name on my shirt (unlike first few) so they can only cheer on bib number or things on my shirt (like Boston when they yelled go Irish for the 100% Irish for a Day shirt I had on), but you do sometimes need that little something to push you forward, and it was definitely lacking.

Still Around...Kind Of...

I meant to get an update on Friday…it would’ve been a month at that point since my last post, but I never quite got it typed up. I’m hanging in…a lot of weird stuff going on. I’ll get a race report typed up about Nike at some point…I might even get a picture posted of the pendant. Had a family weekend for my dad’s 65th birthday. There was good and bad to that. At least dad had his birthday with his family all there and that was what he wanted if he’d been asked. We took him where he’d often thought about going for a weekend and he had his kids all there…so like I said, it was good for him.

Some of the rest of the stuff…well...I don’t know that it is getting any better. In fact I think some might be getting worse. At least on one thing.

San Francisco was a bit of a turning point on my grief over grandma. I still desperately miss her, but I’m not crying everyday like I was, which is a step up I guess. I just wish I could talk to her one more time…the one dream I’ve managed to have with her in it, I was able to see her, but not talk to her and I wish I could just talk to her. But like I said, San Fran was a turning point getting away maybe helped. So maybe a trip coming up shortly might help just a little bit more.

So until I get a chance to update again at least know I’m still out here.