And I don’t like it…not one bit. After some warmup, which we deserved (I’m past the whole it’s winter in MN and I should expect the crap, we had a much colder than normal December and January was worse than January has been in a few years. Plus last year spring came really, really late, and fall came on time, if not just a tiny bit early…so sorry, we deserve an early spring and I want it now!! It was back below 0 again here…but thankfully we did have warm last week and the week before that melted a ton of snow. If only this wasn’t MN and we know that it will eventually come back (in March even, we are notorious for getting a big storm in March, or two or three!).
Running…well, should I go down that one? That Mojo, that is hiding somewhere, disappeared again. I had that great run last week and now it’s back to being painful and sucking…well, not painful except painful to get through, but you get the drift. I’m just not sure what more to do and I’m extremely frustrated by it feeling so difficult. I recall times when the good running days far outnumbered the bad, but right now the bad far outnumber the good and I need something to help that. I’m 8 ½ weeks from Boston and I have no clue that to expect since the training just hasn’t’ been there like it needs to be for a good run. I know Boston had been meant to be “just for fun” but a part of me wanted to maybe shoot for a good time, even a PR maybe, but this time of year for training, combined with the same problem I was having in 2007 only on the other side and it not seeming to want to fix itself, I just can’t seem to get there. Can I run and finish Boston? Yes…is it going to be nice…not so sure…I have a little time yet to get a few good runs in, but nowhere near the time to get the good quality training in, and you know what…I can’t seem to get the motivation into my body for it. I read things to motivate myself. Just re-read my race report for Twin Cities and I remembered the emotions. I re-read comments I had made about the pride of my dad. I have been reading tips on doing Boston. And all of this gets to me. I feel teary eyed. I feel excited. I remember what this all means…and then I go to run and my body betrays me. The mind is in it. The body just decided to abandon me and I’m not sure what to do about it.
I know many of you are battling injuries and have some things going on that are preventing the joy and such of running and you can’t wait to get back, if you even will be able to. And I feel bad, typing this, when I know that many of you are wishing to be in my position. Yes, I qualified for Boston. Yes, I know it’s not an easy feat. Yes, I know that many will never be able to make that qualifier…but it doesn’t make it any less an issue for myself right now, in my selfish instance in time right at this moment, where I’m feeling pity for myself and wishing I could get it all figured out.
This weekend I’m trying to motivate for what is scheduled as a 20 miler. If I don’t make 20, I’m not going to beat myself up, but I’m hopeful. I have no other plans this weekend, so can do it whichever day feels better for it. Probably Sunday but we’ll see. I also have things to look forward to. Next weekend, Food and Wine Experience…yes, so much wine, so little time…and one of my best friends in the world is going to be in town. I haven’t seen her in a year and I’m so excited. It’s been a really long time since she’s been here too, and we have plenty of good things to see and do and things I’m going to show her that she hasn’t been around for. Then next month MNFirefly, and her new fiancée, as her and Josh just got engaged, will be here, and we’ll get to go out and celebrate, although Josh has threatened to punch me, so not sure I’ll get close enough to him to extend congrats…they will be having a long engagement, but looking forward to the celebration when it happens. Then a week after they are here I’m heading out to Buffalo/Niagara for that little concert…and then 3 weeks to the day of when I get back from that trip I’ll be running from Hopkinton to Boston. Then a month after that I’m planning to be in San Francisco to finally see a city I’ve wanted to go to forever and visit a good friend of mine that moved there a year ago. Might even run a fun little race I’ve been dying to do out there…sometime in June or July I owe a trip to Chicago…then August there is the Ragnar relay…possibly a fall marathon (I’m still contemplating Nike Women’s if I can get into it, having that friend to visit and all)…so yes, lots coming up…not to mention school and work to keep me busy…and I have lots to be thankful for, but it still doesn’t keep me from feeling that let down about my running right now. We do have to live in the now as well as the future…
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5 comments:
Sometimes it's only a little about the running, and that's okay. :)
As for the Boston perspective, I say just enjoy it. You did the hard part already. :)
I promise to hold Josh down enough to allow you congratulate us. I have the handcuffs if he gets out of hand.
(Josh points out that he's very wimpy and his punches are quite weak. You are in no real danger.)
ok if I may....offer a suggestion...but you can totally ignore it. Sounds like this running thing is largely a big fat mental block for you right now. I say pick up a good book about running that will inspire you and every day start your day by repeating a few things to yourself like "I am a boston qualifier!" I love running.. seriously don't you almost immediately just feel better?
I know hokey, but seriously worth it.
On the weather front, i am so tired of winter..I really need to live in costa rica
Sorry about the cold weather and the lack of motivation. I think they go hand in hand. At least they do for me. Ugh!
What a chilly weekend we had. This is getting ridiculous. They are promising mid 30's tomorrow though, so I am holding the weather people to it! :)
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