Monday, April 30, 2007


OK, I know I owe a much bigger update, but yes, I'm still here, still alive and kicking, just haven't had the time to update or say much lately. Cold seems to almost be gone, but regardless of it being there or not, I managed 45 miles last week. Didn't get the longer run on Saturday I wanted (15 miles) cause I didn't get going early enough, but oh well. I was trying to get my new MP3 going since the old one is causing issues again and it just suddenly was late. But I did 10 miles at an 8:34 pace so not bad. That was over some hills too. It was feeling a little hard, my legs were a bit tired, but overall it wasn't bad. I had a 1 mile race I was supposed to be doing on Thursday too, and forgot to take off at B&N so not sure I'm doing it now (if I do, I have to call in sick or get someone to work for me) but we'll see. I want to at least try to pick up the shirt, it's a coolmax and I paid the entry fee darnit!

Weekend was beautiful weatherwise and I managed to get a nice little burn on Saturday worries though, it should turn tan rather soon.

Hmm...beyond that...what else...nothing I can update quickly I guess, but I will try to get something else up soon.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Savannah Girls Week

Savannah was a really nice trip. We had some issues getting there (FYI Northwest SUCKS!!) OK, that said, we’ll get on to the nice. We were supposed to get to Savannah by noonish on Saturday, we didn’t get there till 5:30, our luggage didn’t get there till 1:30 pm on Sunday but that’s again, another story…we got to our hotel, relaxed a little bit, went to a mall nearby to purchase a few things so we could shower and while I didn’t have my contacts with me, and no makeup or anything, we still opted to go out. And we had quite a nice time down on River Street, right on the River in Savannah. Just an FYI, if you ever hit Wet Willie’s there, the Call a Cab is good, but you will be doing just that after drinking one, especially if the nice bouncer buys you a jello shot as well! (OK, so we had a few others before that, but who’s counting??).

Sunday we were waiting on our luggage, which again, didn’t show up till later, but after some recovery was done (I was fine, two others were not) we went into town, got a bite to eat, had a call that our luggage had arrived and Perry, the nice front desk clerk at our hotel, La Quinta Inn Midtown, which I would highly recommend for excellent service, decent rooms, moderate price and a GREAT breakfast (and it’s on the city bus route into downtown…there in 15 minutes and only $1, cabs ran about $16 with tip), then we wandered around Savannah. The weather was cool and we just hung out a bit. Later we went back to the hotel, napped, cleaned up and put on clean clothes and then went back down for dinner and drinks. We ended up at a bar called Bernie’s, where I got to know the bartender as well as all of us talked to a nice young (23) southern gentleman who offered us ideas for best day to go to the beach and even gave us a ride to our hotel as it was right on his way home. He then agreed to drive us to the beach as we told him we would buy lunch and pay for gas. This was too late of a night for mom, but oh well.

Monday we went on a trolley tour of the city and had an excellent guide. We did some shopping, wandered a bit and then ended up deciding to go on our haunted tour that evening. Timingwise it worked to go on the Haunted Pub tour and we had drinks on the tour and in taking some pictures, I had a few “orbs” show up in them…are they really ghostly forms? Who knows, but it’s kind of cool and a bit unexplainable.

Tuesday our ventures took us to Tybee Island which was very fun. Our tour guide took us to Tybee Beach where there is a pier and then to north beach where we ate a nice meal and went flying a kite on a beach and watched some big ships go in and out of the area. Later that evening we had a nice dinner (mom, sis and I) and then just vegged at the hotel and had an early evening so we’d be rested for our last day.

Wednesday was our last day in Savannah and we wandered around and shopped. That evening we went out on the town, talked with my bartender from the night before, had our tour guide out again, and met a few new people at some other bars as well. We were out till 3, slept till 6 and were up for our flight to the airport in plenty of time and no problems getting home (why is that?). I got home, took a nice nap and tried to recovery from the cold I had developed prior to leaving. I didn’t run on Thursday due to the cold and came into work late on Friday as I needed to rest and hope it would go away. It’s still here…oh well.

That was the trip and it was just the right amount of time I think and we managed to only get a little irritated with each other (mostly my sister and I, I don’t think anyone got mad at mom, although I swear she was taking my sister’s side on things mostly). Ah well…what do you do?

I'm Back

But no time to really update now, hopefully at some point this weekend. But in the meantime here are a couple of picks of our "girls weekend" it was a fun time and only minimal disagreements!

The Girls...60 years young...
Pier and Ocean at Tybee Island

Savannah sunset last night there

Friday, April 13, 2007

Friday the 13th

And it's celebration time! OK, I had another post I started yesterday and never finished, maybe I'll get to it today too, along with some other emails I need to respond to. I am, after all, practially on vacation!! Tomorrow I leave with my mom and sister for a 5 day girls excursion in honor of my mom's 60th birthday which happened last month. We are traveling to the old south and are all quite excited. I know I won't be on the computer for the next few days, so I'm sure will have a stockpile of email for my return next Thursday but that's OK. I always love email, makes me feel loved!

This vacation is coming right at a time when I SOOOO need it. It'll be good to get out of town, clear my head, do some bonding with my family and thinking about other things without having my thoughts and judgement clouded and possibilities of doing stupid things. Namely going places to try to see people that I shouldn't!! Ah yes, and the weather is going to be 70s and 80s...I'm so excited!

I'll hopefully have lots of pictures to post when I get back. And hopefully the three of us don't manage to kill each other! I'm looking forward to some good fresh shrimp, and maybe some mahi mahi (the only seafoods I really care for).

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

MEMO to God...It's April

All taken on the way into work this morning. And it's still coming down fairly good.

Monday, April 09, 2007

The Weekend in Recap

So much to do at work but so lacking the motivation so here is an update.

Friday we were lucky enough to get to leave work early. I found this out right after my workout, I had done 5 on the treadmill because it’s too freaking cold to go outside (yes, it is April, but it was so cold and windy I just couldn’t tolerate it) I got back to my desk around 1:30 and we got to leave at 2…that was awesome. Gave me time to stop at Super Target on the way home and get the few things I needed for my dessert for Easter dinner and then head home for nap, which I did manage. I got up about 2 hours later and checked email and the friend I was unsure about was coming with, she tried to call me too however and left a message that she was up for going for a little while, but not necessarily late. OK, well, whatever she was coming out. Made plans to meet up a bit early so we could go to a place she would find a drink she liked and still get to the regular place by happy hour. Well, the place we were going isn’t the place any of us likes for a hang out, but they have her drink…personally I think she’s too fussy as she likes margaritas, OK, fine, but they can make them anywhere as she wasn’t getting them blended at the bar we were at and if she asks the bartender at the other place he will make drinks the way she wants them, I think she just kind of needs something to complain about and after the antics this weekend, I'm not going to be too anxious to go out with her again.

So anyway, there was a really, really cute waiter I was staring at and I got a bit of a buzz before we went to where I might see C…so I guess the early stop was fine. We got there, my dive, my local hangout, my Cheers, and had a shot right away. No idea why…but oh well. The evening progressed and I was talking to a guy I had met earlier in the week and another guy, then ran into someone else that I knew but hadn’t seen in a long time, he didn’t remember me but I know people he knows and reminded him where I knew him from...later he was hitting on my roomie and she was not appreciating his come on lines…mainly talking about how much money he makes, what kind of car he drives, etc. She wasn’t impressed. She did like another guy that we had been talking with though, and got his number and has chatted with him a bit. She has some things going on, he has some things going on, so neither are really probably right for much, but a friendship is cool. So the reason was upset with the one friend...we were going to go for pizza after the bar, it sounded so good and there is a place open late, there was someone else that was going to come with us too…a new potential crush of mine if you will, and my friend wasn’t game. She was absolutely insistent that she was going home and was not going for pizza…ummm…yeah…OK, you aren’t driving, isn’t it friend rule/etiquette to help another friend out with a guy and if that means staying out a little longer when you can SLEEP IN THE NEXT DAY ANYWAY and don’t have plans to do anything but watch movies at home on Saturday night anyway. Sigh…we were going to come back and have pizza anyway and told him to ride along but last minute he turned off to go home (he lives around the corner, oh and no, I don't have a thing for Leo DiCaprio, BUT the crush kind of resembles him in this movie...kind of strange, I've never been attracted to Leo but found him sexy in The Departed and then meet a guy that looks like him...) and said he’d see me around at "the place"…he did give me a hug, but he didn’t ask for my number, he didn’t ask me for an actual meet up time and place…a guy friend suggested it's hard to know when to ask and not be pushy, etc and another friend suggested he might be shy...guess we'll see. Darn friends that won't heed etiquette...thing is, roomie wasn't drinking and has less sleep, weird hours and what not and had had the bad man experience as well, but SHE was still fine to go. My roomie is awesome. She's also a good friend and she was trying to get to know the interest as well, feel out what he was like, but the other friend was down at the other end of the bar talking to people she apparently knew, but wasn't even trying to talk to any of us (I had made trips back and forth to talk to the groups I knew)...she has her very set, I need to be talking to a guy I'm interested in (even though I've been known to chat with her and whatever guy she was interested in) or I don't want to be out kind of mindset and it gets annoying. OK, so maybe I was being rude toward the end only talking to the interest, but it wasn't my WHOLE night (and I've never taken off on her to go to a guys house).

Saturday I got up feeling fine but a bit tired and wanted to run. It was 16. That didn’t include the windchill. April sucks. I opted out of the run and was going to go later, but roomie and I went for food then a bit of shopping and finally home for naps. I ended up sleeping about 3 hours. Off and on. I haven’t slept good in so long I really need to catch up anyway so I did that and then got stuff ready for Sunday and then had to work at 6:30. Ended up meeting a friend out for a snack after (he had beer, I drop and ate) and then home to bed late again. And again no real great sleep. Up Sunday, got a quick light run (had a really good start to the week with 25 miles in by Thursday and then only got another 9 after that) and then to my sister’s for dinner and then to B&N to work. So annoying. I realized I 1) can’t work there two days in a row and 2) can’t work 8 days in a row, and by the time Saturday comes and I have a day off again, it will be 14 days in a row that I’ve worked and not had a day off. I need at least one full day to do what I want or I just freak out. I was in a great mood on Saturday night, have been managing to fake it at least and give off good vibe while working, well, that doesn’t work two days in a row…sigh…After work on Sunday roomie and I went to see her new friend as he was working (he's a bartender at a bar near our house) and had a bite to eat.

My eating was awful too. I’m up about 2 pounds from where I have been…and I’m going on vacation and might need to wear a swim suit while gone on Saturday. Sigh…hopefully I can run off this crap and not eat for the next 5 days and be back down at least the 2 pounds, and maybe more solidly the 3 that I thought I had lost. But I am meeting a friend for dinner tomorrow, have to be careful on what I order…the rest of the week I should be able to be good though - OK, this was written yesterday, thankfully after a double day (7 at lunch and 10 after work) I am back down to reasonable places. I'm hoping for another 7 at lunch today and another double tomorrow and possibly Friday before I'm out of town for so long!

Friday, April 06, 2007

Random Friday Thoughts

It’s Friday…so happy about that. This week has just been dragging. I finally slept a little last night, but it was partly beer induced, but oh well. Sometimes you do what you have to. I tried a nap after work yesterday, before hectic times set in, but that just wasn’t happening. What did end up happening was my roommate and I went to meet up with one friend that was going to a happy hour and invited me. Unfortunately he wasn’t there and we were in a rush needing to get to the next meeting so never got to see him, but did get into and check out a new bar that has an interesting mix of people for people watching. It’s in an upscale bar in an upscale building and had kind of the people you are entertained to watch. Power men in suits and/or dressy work clothes and the women all dressed to try to pick themselves up a rich husband (or at least sugar daddy)…quite entertaining really. After this we went to another bar to meet up with a guy that I’ve been supposed to meet for some time now. He is someone I met in one of my brief times online, when I thought I wanted to date. Met him just before I turned off my profile and decided I was happy with life as it was and I’d date again when and if a great guy came along on a fluke…well, we’ve been talking off and on for the last year and finally he was really pushing for a meeting, which I backed out of once and then felt bad because he was then calling even more and trying to get together…so I finally agreed this week, but brought my roommate along as a kind of buffer…see, while he has seemed nice, there just is something lacking, roommate thinks its self-confidence on his part, which could be the case, it’s either that are just one of those, no connection things. Part of my wanting someone with is because while on the phone with him (we’ve been talking for over a year) I’ve either had to really carry the conversation or there is a lot of silence…so with her along, it wasn’t bad…but just wasn’t there. As I knew it probably wouldn’t be. I wish him well, but don’t plan to see him again. Thought maybe roommate would like him but she won’t date a guy younger than her and she’s 32 and he’s only 30…hopefully he finds someone good.

Tonight I’m supposed to hopefully be seeing a friend that I haven’t seen in quite some time. It all depends on what kind of mood she is in though. We made plans last week, I tried to confirm on Wednesday and she said she’d nap and see. If she’s not in a good mood, no point in going out as it’s just not fun, but I’m hoping she will come. We are just going to my local place of course, but so far roomie and I are going, we’ll see others there (the big test for me will be if C is there and see how I react, I’m hoping no reaction as that will be the best for me, show me it’s over and done, part of me hopes he doesn’t show up there though as then next week I won’t be out and by the next time I could see him, I should be all done with him!), some friends are meeting us when they get done with work and I want to have fun. My roomie is going through some rough times and I want to get her out and have her have some fun. Tonight we are starting lessons in flirting…she knows how, but is rusty after long relationships, not of the good variety, so we’ll see what happens.

I also had the good, uplifting thing of having an e-mail conversation actually go well!! Yes, I’ve had past discussions with friends that escalated into a fight that lost friendships. There was something going on with one of my friends that hurt, but also made me take some looks and try to find reason, at the same time I was trying to show her these are things of the past and obviously not tried and true set in stone things, no matter how hard I try and the armor I put up anyway. She’s had some bad times and both her and I are trying to make changes for the better and instead of losing a friendship, we might have made it stronger as both of us are working on things to make ourselves better. We are making plans for a fun summer and hopefully in those times, we end up finding her someone great as she really does deserve some good date karma after he last situation with the loser boy sperm donor that was her husband. He gave her a son she loves, but unfortunately scars too that are trying to heal and I wish for her great things because she does deserve a good turn. Single parenthood isn’t easy and she does really want more children and hopefully she can find someone great to help her with that!!

Finally, isn’t it interesting how differently people can perceive a situation? I have been on a quest to improve myself, as I stated above. Trying to change my karma and make more positive impacts and feelings on my life, looking at the good in myself and others around me and working to keep good and positive and lose the negative. Well, I sent out a few apology e-mails to some I feel I have wronged, even if unintentionally, and one I thought was a good thing until he came back at me talking about how I treated him so poorly and he hadn’t deserved it, this was after he accepted my apology…now isn’t part of accepting an apology then to let it go? So that one didn’t come out so well, as I heard all kinds of accusations then about the person he perceives me to be (he knew me a total of about 3 months and talked to/saw me a handful of times in that time and most times he was totally wasted, great time to make some real assessments about someone right?) and how I should better myself and not sink to all this crap, well, he’s the one that was putting it on me…I guess sometimes your best intentions aren’t always the best. In the meantime I’m still on my quest. I really want to start random acts of kindness…I need to find things to do though. Earlier this week I sent a virtual bouquet of yellow daisies and said simply “I love you” to my mom. Dad isn’t on email so I can’t send something like that to him…but I suppose I could send him a random card…or just call him…anyway, I’ll find some things to do.

Note to Spring, it is April, yes, this is MN, but enough of this 30s and lower weather and snow, you need to warm up and let us have our nice weather, winter will be back soon enough, Fight!!! I've included my spring "feeling" pics just to warm things up. A couple are from Boston two years ago when I was out for the marathon.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Tired...Oh So Tired...

I think today is a wash. I have no motivation and I can’t seem to focus. It could be the lack of sleep over the last few days…week…whatever I suppose!! Last Friday I couldn’t sleep, dreams and such, fight with friend, C, everything…got up and went through the day. Saturday night crashed at a friends, pretty much slept there, but I had had a few drinks so it wasn’t a refreshing sleep. Sunday night, I took a nap in the afternoon and then that evening went to work and came home, tired, COULD NOT SLEEP. Went to bed at 10 or so, was still awake after midnight. Monday, more of the same. Tuesday I went out, got home around midnight and was not asleep except dozing but still awake around 1. Last night, went out till a little after midnight, did eventually get to sleep (had intended on a nap after work, that only last about 30 minutes if that) and slept OK, but not enough. Tonight I’m heading home right after work for a nap. I’m hoping an hour, then I have to get up, get ready and meet a friend for a drink and/or food or something. I’m not really feeling up to it, but we’ll see what happens. I had another friend call and suggest meeting him and others for happy hour as he hadn’t talked to me in a while, he was hoping I wasn’t mad at him, that he hadn’t been reading emails etc, really…well, the phone works both ways. I wasn’t mad, I just hadn’t found time to call him and he hadn’t called me. I might try to meet up with him after meeting up with the other friend, depends on a few things, like if my roommate comes with me, how tired I am, where other friend is once I’m done with first friend (unless of course I end up meeting up with the happy hour group BEFORE going to meet the other friend as there would be time, but THAT depends on the nap, if it happens and how long it goes). I probably shouldn’t nap. Ah well. On the C front though, it might be getting better. I was out with girlfriends last night, having fun and talked to a few people and one kind of intrigued me, except he smokes and that’s too bad because other than that, he seemed cool…anyway, I figure if I’m feeling a bit of interest/intrigue over another guy, C must not be as deeply entrenched as I thought…Oh, and the friend that I had the fight with…she has sent me a couple of emails this week…just dealing with the weather. What a load of crap.

Runningwise is good. I haven’t posted last weeks yet and it was only 32 miles, not great, but this week so far I’m at 25 miles and that doesn’t include anything for the weekend in which I hope to get at least an 18 if not a 20 miler in, we’ll see though. My work schedule doesn’t look good for that. I ran a 10 miler after work on Monday though, it was kind of slow, but the cold has returned and I’m running about the same paces as I had been in the cold with all the clothes on (we freaking got snow on Tuesday, yes, 81 degrees last Monday and on Tuesday, a week later, we have snow, gotta love MN right?). I haven’t run today and it looks like today is going to be a wash just because I’m so tired. Instead of running at lunch, didn’t want to use the tmill and I so didn’t want to go out in the cold (sick of it) I went with a friend to Subway which I then ate at my desk while in a stupor. I find it interesting though that the food that gets me by most days isn’t enough on days when I’m extremely tired or hung over. Wonder why that is. Tired to me feels about the same as a night I went out drank enough for a buzz and feel tired but a bit crappy the next day. I find this strange. If I get a good nights sleep, I’m not nearly as hungry…

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Lustful, Like Thing, or How do you Get Someone Bad out of Your Head?

Since it was asked about…I did not run into C last weekend…there was something that happened though that was upsetting and I’m realizing more that I do need to get over this thing. Full story?? C is someone I’ve known for a few years, first met him about 3 years ago when a friend of mine was separated and we started hanging out regularly at what is now my “spot”, my Cheers if you will. He was the friend of a friend there (actually went to junior high with another friend there so it’s a long intertwined story) and he was out with some buddies having just found out his wife was cheating. My friend’s husband was cheating as well and her and C were going to be “divorce buddies”…at least that is the term they used. Yeah, fun huh? Anyway, even though C caught his wife in the act, in their home, in their bed, he ended up opting out of divorce and stayed with her.

I first ran into him again last June, right before my marathon and he told me he was separated and getting divorced. Good for him, it was about time. No idea why he stayed as long as he had. His soon to ex was still calling him often, wanting to work things out even though she was in Denmark with her boyfriend…umm…yeah, that shows wanting to work things out right? Anyway, while C is attractive, I had no interest in getting involved in that can of worms. But I did watch someone else start to make a move on him, and enjoyed teasing him about it later...

Ran into him again sometime in November and went with him and a few others to a party…had fun, no big deal. Ran into him again a few weeks later and took him to a party, he drove me home (was not capable of driving and had no car anyway!) and again, thought nothing of anything. A few weeks later I see him again and he tells me how he had tried to get my number the next day as he hadn’t gotten it that night when I saw him. No idea why he wanted it, but I gave him to him this night. Whatever. Things keep progressing, he makes mention of seeing a movie (but never calls and follows through on actually doing that) we continue to see each other on occasion at my “place”…eventually he does come over for a movie one night. This was the end of December, right when he had filed for divorce which was final end of January. The night he filed, he was drunk and wanted to stay at my place, my parents were there, he was aware and I said fine, he stayed, met my parents, etc…he next sees me telling me how while the situation wasn’t great (we were sharing a twin mattress to sleep on!) it was cool meeting my parents. Another time he had been asking me about my running and said he was thinking about starting running. All things that you typically do when you are into someone and trying to get to know them and maybe find something more right? Not the kind of work you put in if all you're looking for is that "one thing". And all this time I’m thinking no, he’s bad, he’s not ready for anything (of course he also thought I was not ready for anything as I’m kind of anti-relationship most days!) but something wasn’t telling some part of me that…so I start getting interested.

I wasn’t aware, but the interest was growing. Eventually it all came to a head where I told him I wasn’t going to be able to deal with where he wanted things to go (take a guess) without there being something more. That I was tired of men coming after me just because they think they can have something from me (which is not the case) and that I’d be hurt if I saw him picking up other women while things were going on with us. He told me he couldn’t promise me I wasn’t a rebound thing and that was that. Oh, this had started when I told him how bad he was for me. The next week I see him and he is talking to another girl…and she’s not even cute…I let things go, he’s not mine after all, and that’s that. The next week he’s txting me a message about having been out “jogging” that week. A week later he’s asking about my house sale…in my mind, why do these things? Isn’t that just more indication that you are trying to get more from that person?

Anyway, it all culminated in a chat again, where he finally says, no, he’s not ready for a relationship (duh, the night he started talking to the other girl he’s telling me how his ex is still txting him and how she calls him and he still has feelings for her). After this chat, he is seen by me the next week, really drunk, talking to this other girl again. When I see him a few days later he’s telling me how he thinks she likes him…well…yeah…she does. That’s obvious, he can be quite charming if he wants to be and he turned on the charm for her. He’s telling me how she’s not even cute (which no, she’s not, and while I’m not high on myself, I know I’m cuter than her at least, she’s 35 and looks about 45, seems nice, but definitely not cute, but he says she’s interesting to talk to, they have stuff in common and honestly, I think he thinks I’m a dumb blonde…it’s frustrating and annoying that’s how most men seem to see me) and yadda, yadda…Well, none of this helps me though. Last Friday something snapped in me and I broke down over it, at the bar, in front of supposedly my best friend…she doesn’t know exactly the culmination of it all as she hasn’t been in the picture much due somewhat to work and a lot to boyfriend…anyway, she tells me I’m 32, I should’ve known better there were red flags etc…why did I like him…OK, all I wanted was a shoulder to cry on and some sympathy (as many of the girls in the bathroom were offering!) and this is being yelled at me from someone that I thought I could trust and would show compassion. It’s not like I’ve been crying to her for weeks about it…this was a first time, one time only thing. Yes, I realize I’m dumb for having started to like this guy, but I can’t help now what I feel and while I’m trying to get over it, it’s not easy. When you feel chemistry with someone in a way you haven’t felt for anyone in a really, really long time, it’s hard, and it hurts. Especially knowing that things might have been really great had timing not been so bad. Even when everything about him is not necessarily what you would’ve looked for or wanted, baggage that you always say you want to stay away from, but somehow, with this person, it’s not so bad because there are enough other things…how do you start to even get past all that?