Thursday, August 27, 2009

In Memory Of...

Marilyn Winifred Diemer
May 19, 1920 – August 25, 2009

Beloved grandmother, sister, mother and friend…you will be deeply missed.

You know when the phone rings at 10:55 on a Tuesday night it’s not going to be good news (unless you have a friend that is pregnant and due around that time). I have a new cell and wasn’t able to hear it ring, but I heard my mom’s voice begging me to pick up from my answering machine…I get the phone and she’s sobbing, voice cracking and telling me something…I heard hospital, ambulance, something about heart…but I didn’t catch the first part. She’s saying my name and asking me if I heard her and I said yes, but missed the first part and could she repeat it…she tells me “grandma Diemer passed away”…and while I already felt that was what she was going to tell me, it wasn’t till then that I lost it. Amazing how you can deny everything until you actually hear the words. My dad then came on the line, and by now I’m sobbing and he can’t understand me. He tells me something about someone saying grandma had said she was tired…and that was about the time she left us. The didn’t know if maybe it was a heart attack, all I recall saying was “I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.” Dad had to go, mom had begged me to call my sister who was already informed and go over there, that I shouldn’t be alone…but I wanted to be alone. I spent some time crying and did finally sleep. Where I dreamt what I had been told was wrong, that grandma wasn’t gone…wasn’t helpful. I got up and got ready for work, started throwing things in a bag thinking I should head to my parents after work, but not knowing what was going on, I stopped and instead just tried to focus on the day. The funeral is set for Saturday, my brother, sister and I are driving down in a little while. Instead of helping a friend celebrate her birthday this weekend, I’m going to be burying my grandmother.

I’m not ready to be in a world without her in it. I mainly went to visit my parents to see her. Mom and dad are here enough that I see them regularly. My other grandma, well, I love her and feel guilty that I’m not as close to her, but it’s reality, I’m simply not as close to her as I am, was, my other grandmother…It probably comes from the fact that I was 5th in line of 15 grandkids on that side and there are only 6 on the other side, and I was first, and was the only one for 5 ½ years. I was very close to grandpa, who died just before I turned 15, and then that carried over to grandma more so then as I got older. My mom used to drag me out to see great grandma and visit with her most Sunday’s when I was younger, that was her mom’s mom, so it carried tradition too cause when I was home I was out visiting grandma. She was the one I went to when I needed to borrow some money for college, I regularly wrote her letters (OK, I was making loan payments too but even after I was writing to her) and grandma was just the one I loved going to see because I knew she was always very happy to see me. We’d most times come up with some lunch combination when there, and I cooked and fed her some of my creations that she would get excited about. I’d share all the mundane things in my life with her, and sometimes she’d hear it before mom and dad even. She was so much more than just a grandma and I'm going to miss her very much. I know she was feeling down, and was probably ready. She spent almost 50 years with my grandpa before he died of a massive heart attack, she's lost a lot of friends recently...but I still thought I had time. There are things even now that I wish I had asked her, and that I won't ever have the answers to now. I won't ever get to hug her again. And I never quite remembered to show her my Boston medal, as I had forgotten to bring it home, then forgotten to show it. There just never is enough time for those that have that special place in our hearts. Christmas is going to be so difficult this year.

I love you grandma. And wherever you are, I hope you are happy and with the loved ones you lost.

11 comments:

L said...

Danielle, I'm so very sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family.

teacherwoman said...

I am sorry for your loss. *hugs*

Annette said...

Your grandma sounds like a wonderful lady. That's so great that you had such a close relationship. I'm really sad for you. You're in my prayers!

RunToFinish said...

oh I am so sorry, I wish there were words to truly make it any better. All i can say is you were very lucky to have such a wonderful relationship that I'm sure taught you a great deal about life and you will carry her with you in the person you are

Chelsea said...

I'm so sorry for loss. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful woman. My heart goes out to your family.

Firefly's Running said...

((hugs))

Londell said...

Sounds like you and your grandma had a special relationship. She must be smiling now knowing she was so cherished and loved. May god be with you as you cherish the memories.

Jean said...

My condolences to you and your family, Danielle. I am sure this is a very difficult time, but I hope your many wonder memories will carry your through. All the best to you.

Runner Leana said...

Danielle, I am so sorry. She sounds like a wonderful woman and you were so lucky to have her in your life. *hugs*

mg said...

Danielle, I'm sorry for your loss.

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