Remembering back to 2006…the year my running had a breakthrough. Without trying (I wanted to break 4 hours, that was my ultimate goal) I came within 2 minutes of qualifying for Boston. I had a lot of things going on in my life at the time. Nothing real great, and running took me away from it all…all I did was train. Running was the thing that kept me sane during that time. Unfortunately last year was a complete flip of the coin. I lost my motivation to run, to a degree. It felt like a chore most times, and was almost never enjoyable due to my glute issue. I ran a total of 3 races, none of them marathons, longest was a 25K, and that was a bust of a run. Now I’m at a place where things are starting to feel better…finally…It’s not 100% yet. There are times when things really do bother still. BUT, and this is a big but since I haven’t been able to maintain constancy for a while now…but this week I finally managed a good week. I actually, technically, ran 6 days…in a row…One of those days was only a mile (after checking back over the day, I had not eaten enough protein and after a 30 minute bike ride had no energy for more than a mile). Friday though, I had a long run planned (it was going to be cold Saturday and Sunday), I wanted to do 11 miles…my pace, hoped to be around 9:15 or so…well, I managed 8:59…and that was with maybe a mile under some slippery conditions (I didn’t wear my yak trax because most of the roads were clear, even though we had had snow earlier in the day). Saturday I ran in the gym after a strength session, and it felt OK, but the big breakthrough of the weekend came today. I went out last night (surprise, surprise) and somehow got a little happier than planned…getting up this morning wasn’t great, I had a little bit of a bad discussion with a friend while I was drinking, thankfully that was resolved this morning, but while I wasn’t feeling good early in the day, I still opted to go to the gym (braved the cold to get there), needing to clear my head over some stuff going on and it just felt good. I think I had to have had a smile on my face for a big part of it, it felt good, and freeing…I even think I managed to run around an 8:45 pace…and it felt good. It was one of those runs where I could’ve just gone forever…had I eaten a bit more (and not been pushing it on the mileage, 33 was a bit more than I probably should’ve gone for the week, but I went with it) before it. I’m close to being back. And I know what I need to do to meet my running goal. I know the training I need to do. I have plenty of time to get geared into it. I have this goal…But I’m suddenly figuring out I have a problem too. OK, yes, I’m loving my independence, I need to the focus time, etc…and my family and a bunch of friends will all be there that day, to help celebrate the achievement or ease my disappointment (have to think both ways since there is always a chance of many things happening) but it’s such a huge goal for me, and I wish there was the possibility of someone special being there to urge me on…something I’ve never had, but really want. I did get that a little bit with L, even though he was never able to make it to a race…he was there to tell me how proud he was, even on bad days…and I wish there was that feasibility of someone being there for me this time…but like I said, it would also be a distraction that I just don’t need…I'm so messed up.
