Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Lustful, Like Thing, or How do you Get Someone Bad out of Your Head?

Since it was asked about…I did not run into C last weekend…there was something that happened though that was upsetting and I’m realizing more that I do need to get over this thing. Full story?? C is someone I’ve known for a few years, first met him about 3 years ago when a friend of mine was separated and we started hanging out regularly at what is now my “spot”, my Cheers if you will. He was the friend of a friend there (actually went to junior high with another friend there so it’s a long intertwined story) and he was out with some buddies having just found out his wife was cheating. My friend’s husband was cheating as well and her and C were going to be “divorce buddies”…at least that is the term they used. Yeah, fun huh? Anyway, even though C caught his wife in the act, in their home, in their bed, he ended up opting out of divorce and stayed with her.

I first ran into him again last June, right before my marathon and he told me he was separated and getting divorced. Good for him, it was about time. No idea why he stayed as long as he had. His soon to ex was still calling him often, wanting to work things out even though she was in Denmark with her boyfriend…umm…yeah, that shows wanting to work things out right? Anyway, while C is attractive, I had no interest in getting involved in that can of worms. But I did watch someone else start to make a move on him, and enjoyed teasing him about it later...

Ran into him again sometime in November and went with him and a few others to a party…had fun, no big deal. Ran into him again a few weeks later and took him to a party, he drove me home (was not capable of driving and had no car anyway!) and again, thought nothing of anything. A few weeks later I see him again and he tells me how he had tried to get my number the next day as he hadn’t gotten it that night when I saw him. No idea why he wanted it, but I gave him to him this night. Whatever. Things keep progressing, he makes mention of seeing a movie (but never calls and follows through on actually doing that) we continue to see each other on occasion at my “place”…eventually he does come over for a movie one night. This was the end of December, right when he had filed for divorce which was final end of January. The night he filed, he was drunk and wanted to stay at my place, my parents were there, he was aware and I said fine, he stayed, met my parents, etc…he next sees me telling me how while the situation wasn’t great (we were sharing a twin mattress to sleep on!) it was cool meeting my parents. Another time he had been asking me about my running and said he was thinking about starting running. All things that you typically do when you are into someone and trying to get to know them and maybe find something more right? Not the kind of work you put in if all you're looking for is that "one thing". And all this time I’m thinking no, he’s bad, he’s not ready for anything (of course he also thought I was not ready for anything as I’m kind of anti-relationship most days!) but something wasn’t telling some part of me that…so I start getting interested.

I wasn’t aware, but the interest was growing. Eventually it all came to a head where I told him I wasn’t going to be able to deal with where he wanted things to go (take a guess) without there being something more. That I was tired of men coming after me just because they think they can have something from me (which is not the case) and that I’d be hurt if I saw him picking up other women while things were going on with us. He told me he couldn’t promise me I wasn’t a rebound thing and that was that. Oh, this had started when I told him how bad he was for me. The next week I see him and he is talking to another girl…and she’s not even cute…I let things go, he’s not mine after all, and that’s that. The next week he’s txting me a message about having been out “jogging” that week. A week later he’s asking about my house sale…in my mind, why do these things? Isn’t that just more indication that you are trying to get more from that person?

Anyway, it all culminated in a chat again, where he finally says, no, he’s not ready for a relationship (duh, the night he started talking to the other girl he’s telling me how his ex is still txting him and how she calls him and he still has feelings for her). After this chat, he is seen by me the next week, really drunk, talking to this other girl again. When I see him a few days later he’s telling me how he thinks she likes him…well…yeah…she does. That’s obvious, he can be quite charming if he wants to be and he turned on the charm for her. He’s telling me how she’s not even cute (which no, she’s not, and while I’m not high on myself, I know I’m cuter than her at least, she’s 35 and looks about 45, seems nice, but definitely not cute, but he says she’s interesting to talk to, they have stuff in common and honestly, I think he thinks I’m a dumb blonde…it’s frustrating and annoying that’s how most men seem to see me) and yadda, yadda…Well, none of this helps me though. Last Friday something snapped in me and I broke down over it, at the bar, in front of supposedly my best friend…she doesn’t know exactly the culmination of it all as she hasn’t been in the picture much due somewhat to work and a lot to boyfriend…anyway, she tells me I’m 32, I should’ve known better there were red flags etc…why did I like him…OK, all I wanted was a shoulder to cry on and some sympathy (as many of the girls in the bathroom were offering!) and this is being yelled at me from someone that I thought I could trust and would show compassion. It’s not like I’ve been crying to her for weeks about it…this was a first time, one time only thing. Yes, I realize I’m dumb for having started to like this guy, but I can’t help now what I feel and while I’m trying to get over it, it’s not easy. When you feel chemistry with someone in a way you haven’t felt for anyone in a really, really long time, it’s hard, and it hurts. Especially knowing that things might have been really great had timing not been so bad. Even when everything about him is not necessarily what you would’ve looked for or wanted, baggage that you always say you want to stay away from, but somehow, with this person, it’s not so bad because there are enough other things…how do you start to even get past all that?


JustRun said...

Having had those feelings in the past, of wanting to get past something but not knowing even where to start, the only thing I can say is time. It's your friend and your enemy right now, but it does repair. It also helps to not see the person at all for a good couple weeks. I know that takes strength and I didn't always "get" that but it does help. Anyway, I know you weren't necessarily looking for advice but since I can identify, I thought I'd share. It does just take time, and it's not easy. I know, not much help.

Danielle said...

Actually I appreciate any and all advice...and yeah, I know the being away from someone for a while is the easiest, I just can't not to my place, and it's possible he will be there. Just never know. Thankfully he wasn't there last weekend. If he's not there this weekend, next weekend I'm out of town and by then I might be done with it!!

Firefly's Running said...