Tuesday, November 06, 2007

November??

Well, been trying to get an update up for the last week and what do you know, it still hasn’t happened. Anyway, I’m still feeling upset, which should not be unusual considering it all, but I’ve also come to a realization that I don’t want to do it anymore. Now I’m not going to be stupid and say I’m never dating again and have to eat my words 2 years down the road, but honestly, I don’t want to do it anymore. I was with someone that I cared deeply for. I let down a lot of walls and protections that I had had in place, and I let myself open up and trust the things he was saying and telling me…including the talk about the future, which when it came up, seemed to be way too much for the period of time we had been together. But for whatever reason, I let him convince me this was the way it was and was going to continue. He seemed to think he had found everything he wanted…we had just had a discussion about it before his last trip in fact. How I needed to realize he was doing some of the things he was doing because it was going to be great for the future…it was for us. There were still things I wasn’t sure on, but I had a lot of what I would want in someone and I was sure that what was missing would come. If he loved me as much as he said, there was no way it wouldn’t come right? But guess I was wrong about it, and all I know is that I have no interest in pursuing something new down the road. Let’s face it, first dates, really not a lot of fun. In fact dating in general I have been known to deem similar to the waterboarding being discussed right now…in fact I think I’d rather go through waterboarding than dating…think about it, you are out with someone that you are trying to impress while at the same time trying to figure out if you want to see again, it’s a situation of judgment on both parts, who knows what will come of it and all the games that go with it. Can’t call right after the date, that seems desperate right? Have to wait x days to go out again as you don’t want to give the wrong impression…it’s what I liked about L…what drew me in…there were no games. He said he was going to call, he called. He liked me and was quite vocal about it. When he told me he loved me, it freaked me out, but I got over that and realized I felt the same…it was just something that happened, and it was good and that just doesn’t happen for me…it’s the first time in 9 years that something happened that easily…anyway, enough on that…

Last week was an OK workout week. I weight trained for 25 minutes 3 days, I made my goal run 5 days and I hit 26 miles. Another couple of weeks and I’ll be back to the 6 days or so a week running and 30-40 miles that I was enjoying. Only problem is, even seeing the chiro like I have been, and doing the exercises that I need to, I’m still not having the results I wanted/hoped for…and I’m getting so down and frustrated about that…lost my boyfriend and running still isn’t what it should be. Seems very unfair.

4 comments:

Kurt said...

I still think your a great runner and it will come back. It took me a few months to get my running back but now it is and hopefully it will for you soon.

JustRun said...

At the risk of sounding like a terrible cliche (and sounding like I'm giving advice), give them both time. More than you think is necessary. Things will come back to how they're supposed to be, or a reasonable facsimile, as they say.

Firefly's Running said...

Don't be a hard on yourself. It took me awhile back in July and look at where I am today. You can do it. Give yourself time.

Krista said...

I'm going to reiterate what everyone else is saying and recommend you don't pressure yourself. There are always ups and downs. The downs are a lot less enjoyable to endure, but they're much more fulfilling to look back on and know you bounced back.