Support Networks

Suppose it’s time to stop with the downer posts. Not much else to write about, well, I have all kinds of things I seem able to compose in my head on runs and never manage to remember what I wanted to say when I get near a computer…Anyway, I am still in a state over numerous things but it’s to be expected…I can take at least a month or two to grieve right? But this week I do have to allow for a bit of getting out of the house…I have house guests coming tonight. Denise and Josh are going to be here sometime a bit later tonight (after my bedtime, am I pathetic or what since they should be there by 10?) and are staying with me tonight and tomorrow. Tomorrow is Denise’s birthday and we are going out for that…she is in for some surprises too, but there will be going out then. Friday and Saturday though I think I’ll stay in. I have options to go out on Saturday and just not sure I feel up to it. I might just hit a nice 10 miler since it’s supposed to be back in the 50s (as opposed to the 30s and 40s so far this week) and then just veg at home. We’ll see. I have the house to myself as my roommate is hanging at her boyfriends for the next few days. I’ve been a bit disappointed in a friend though. She is one I helped through her divorce from her ex, who cheated on her…I was there when she was going through it all, debating taking him back, when it finally fell apart, all the guys she dated and/or just hung out with in that time. Going out with her as she needed etc…and now since her divorce has been final and she’s now involved with someone else that she plans to marry and get pregnant with soon, she is never around. I used to see her at least a few times a week, then at least once a week and now she’s been busy with work and I get that, but I maybe see her once a month…and on those times all I get to hear is complaints about him and then it sometimes tends to be an early night. I hadn’t even had an email or anything from her in a while, responded to a joke she forwarded me on Monday, she asked what was new, I told her about L and her response was are you sad? When I said of course and ranted a bit she told me I should’ve called her last week as she had been around, and that she was here to go out to dinner, drink, movie whatever I needed…and that she would’ve called me right then but didn’t want to upset me at work and had a conference call…this was all yesterday…I had responded that I didn’t want to leave the house (I guess when someone says that to me, I feel it’s my job to drag them out and cheer them up but that’s just me and/or call and make sure they are OK) and I had friends in town for the next couple of days and then I was probably staying in all weekend…so nothing back from her regarding any of this yet today and no call or anything last night to be sure I was OK. When she was going through her stuff, I was calling her constantly just checking in to be sure she felt OK. Apparently a break up with someone you had only been dating for 6 months isn’t as big of a deal. And it’s not like I’m getting divorced right? The thing that sucks so much is that I really don’t have a support network around me. Granted, I’ve had a lot of people over to talk, told me to call, and have tried calling me, and I haven’t felt up to it, but someone who has known me as long as she has, and who I was there for should be able to be there for me…my roommate has a boyfriend, she’d be there to go out, but, well, not sure what I feel there…another friend married with 3 kids, no chance to go out, another friend, divorced with a 5 year old, no chance to go out as babysitters are expensive and going out usually isn’t in her budget…others are around but not really reliable no matter what…so even if I wanted to go out, not really an option…wow, I’m pretty pathetic. I’ve been saying I need to get to know more people, one of these days maybe I will…or maybe I’ll just get back into the staying in, hanging at home, and just running and working out…nothing wrong with that. I did get 6 in yesterday. I was tight through both glutes and hamstrings due to lunges the day before so no idea if things are improving or not, but going to see the chiro soon to find out. I’m just getting so frustrated as nothing seems to work…this has been going on over a year. I’m doing the stretches and strength work, I’m starting to strength train. I took time off running. I’m building back up slowly…I’m doing everything right…I just want to feel good and have running feel good again.