No Self Confidence...

I'm having a breakdown...I almost should post this someplace where I can keep it completely private. This is almost a journal entry, not something I should probably share with potentially the whole world, but I have to vent somehow. I'm definitely in the process now of looking for a different job. I liked the work, and most of the customers at Barnes & Noble, and it was a "fun" type job, but now it sucks. It's totally destroyed my self-esteem and last night I actually left the store and started crying. A part-time job should not make you cry. I stupidly re-read the review. It was actually stated in there that I need constant supervision, that I have no sense of urgency, and basically I translate it all to say I'm a crappy worker and I suck at yet another thing. And then last night I, oh horror of horrors, was having a nice time conversing with a customer. And of course it was near where both managers on duty last night could see me pretty easily, one of them actually told him I had to get back to work and basically to leave me alone, then read me the riot act about spending so much time with customers. I'm sorry, but I enjoy talking to people and getting to know new people, this is also a guy who is a runner...that's why I started talking to him. He had a half marathon shirt on. In his younger days (he looked to be late 40s) he told me he had run a 2:48 marathon...and he was giving me tips. He was commending me on my runs and times, I mean to have someone that has run a 2:48 telling me that my 1:44 half was great and that I was a fantastic runner and shaking my hand and telling me I was going to do well at MCM, well that was something I needed, having to get yelled at over doing it was something I did not need though. I'm an adult, I'm sorry that I can't be rude to people and send them on their way, no matter what the customer is going on about, I'm never rude, and OK, this conversation I was enjoying, but I've been involved in many that I haven't liked and still was fine. That's the thing, if the conversation had been just me being polite, nothing would've been said or done I'm sure...Now though, I'm questioning everything about myself...it's taper time, I'm questioning my running ability, the training I've done, etc...and now I don't feel like I'm even a worthwhile person. I apparently am not good at any job I do...I just so desperatly want to be past all this. I want to find something I'm good at in the workforce...I'm having troubles at both jobs and I just feel like I'm never going to find something that is right for me. I really am feeling worse and worse about myself as time goes on, and all this is ticking down to my marathon and setting up higher and higher expectations, when I don't meet my goals, which I just don't think is going to happen, what is that going to do to me?? Why can't I find my self confidence? I so need a change...but it's not like I can just pack up and move. I need to find a job before I can do that. And to top that all off, I am eating terribly and going the wrong way on the scale...I'm going to be carrying at least 2 more pounds than my last marathon and there I missed my BQ by 2 minutes...carrying 2 more pounds (or more) can't help.