End of Year Reflections

The year is drawing ever closer to its end and I’m looking forward to 2007. 2005 was a really bad year for me, 2006 was decent, at least runningwise. I had some breakthroughs with huge new PRs in the Marathon (3:42:54) and Half Marathon (1:44:12) and something come over me that really just infused my running. I’ve even been able to run outside most of the days so far this winter and have been inspired to purchase more new outdoor running stuff so I can stay off the dreadmill. Nothing else truly inspiring happened in any other major parts of my life though, and I feel like something is missing. If it’s the work or the personal, actually it’s most likely both, because while I’m still OK with my job, I don’t feel a passion for it, so that’s telling me it might be time for something new. I always said I would stay for sure for 2 years, it’s been 2 years now, time to start looking. For one, I’m never going to have options for a decent raise in the position I’m in, and I don’t know that there would be anything else in the company that might open up that I’d be interested in. Also I need a new challenge, I need a change to move out of being a peon …I’m just not where I thought I would be at this time in my life and I need to figure out things. And we all know how I’m feeling about Barnes & Noble, I’m trying to figure out exactly what other type of part-time job I might want, and I think it’s time to explore other things and see what I can maybe find.

I still don’t know how this year is going to end. Until this morning, I had no options even on going out. The idea of running from 11:30 to 12:30 and running in the new year has appealed to me, there aren’t any races around here that I can find that time, that night, so it was kind of out, although I did have J2 think that sounded fun, so probably could’ve convinced him to do that, but that leaves other issues…see, I’m done with the new years kiss thing…I’ve been done for a few years now. That pressure at midnight to find someone to kiss so you don’t have a bad year…well, last few years I’ve just kissed a friend (usually a female friend even!) and I decided that I don’t want to have a kiss at midnight with someone unless it’s someone that is something more…not a guy that I know and have shared a little time with, or someone random that I just meet at the bar that night. And if I were to be around J2 at midnight, that would come up I’m sure, and I don’t want to kiss someone that I’m not going to spend the year with, and where I am, I don’t know, I just know I’m not ready to be involved with anyone, or at least I haven’t met someone that I feel a need/desire to be involved with. Although almost wish I was and almost wish I was ready to get married, cause if I was, this would be the year to do it…the year of 7…especially 7/7/07…what a lucky day. 7 has always been a favorite of mine, and I just never even thought about the implications based on that number and this year before…Anyway, for how pathetic I am though, I need more friends, that’s for sure. This year, I could get no one to commit to doing anything on Sunday. I was going to be doing that run, and by myself…I had ideas, everyone backed out, or wouldn’t commit, or has paired up and have kids and/or won’t move without the boyfriend and the boyfriend has his friends that the friends go and do things with….it’s a resolution of mine though. To somehow find ways to meet more people that I can do things with. I know there are running groups…but I did try that once, and didn’t feel very welcomed, so I’m leary about trying it again…have to get over that fear. Sometimes I do feel very lonely, but it's mainly on these times like this when I just really want to go out and don't really have options...and no, I don't want a boyfriend still, just really want some good friends to do things with. Darn holidays, always get me feeling down...