In Memory Of...

Marilyn Winifred Diemer
May 19, 1920 – August 25, 2009

Beloved grandmother, sister, mother and friend…you will be deeply missed.

You know when the phone rings at 10:55 on a Tuesday night it’s not going to be good news (unless you have a friend that is pregnant and due around that time). I have a new cell and wasn’t able to hear it ring, but I heard my mom’s voice begging me to pick up from my answering machine…I get the phone and she’s sobbing, voice cracking and telling me something…I heard hospital, ambulance, something about heart…but I didn’t catch the first part. She’s saying my name and asking me if I heard her and I said yes, but missed the first part and could she repeat it…she tells me “grandma Diemer passed away”…and while I already felt that was what she was going to tell me, it wasn’t till then that I lost it. Amazing how you can deny everything until you actually hear the words. My dad then came on the line, and by now I’m sobbing and he can’t understand me. He tells me something about someone saying grandma had said she was tired…and that was about the time she left us. The didn’t know if maybe it was a heart attack, all I recall saying was “I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.” Dad had to go, mom had begged me to call my sister who was already informed and go over there, that I shouldn’t be alone…but I wanted to be alone. I spent some time crying and did finally sleep. Where I dreamt what I had been told was wrong, that grandma wasn’t gone…wasn’t helpful. I got up and got ready for work, started throwing things in a bag thinking I should head to my parents after work, but not knowing what was going on, I stopped and instead just tried to focus on the day. The funeral is set for Saturday, my brother, sister and I are driving down in a little while. Instead of helping a friend celebrate her birthday this weekend, I’m going to be burying my grandmother.

I’m not ready to be in a world without her in it. I mainly went to visit my parents to see her. Mom and dad are here enough that I see them regularly. My other grandma, well, I love her and feel guilty that I’m not as close to her, but it’s reality, I’m simply not as close to her as I am, was, my other grandmother…It probably comes from the fact that I was 5th in line of 15 grandkids on that side and there are only 6 on the other side, and I was first, and was the only one for 5 ½ years. I was very close to grandpa, who died just before I turned 15, and then that carried over to grandma more so then as I got older. My mom used to drag me out to see great grandma and visit with her most Sunday’s when I was younger, that was her mom’s mom, so it carried tradition too cause when I was home I was out visiting grandma. She was the one I went to when I needed to borrow some money for college, I regularly wrote her letters (OK, I was making loan payments too but even after I was writing to her) and grandma was just the one I loved going to see because I knew she was always very happy to see me. We’d most times come up with some lunch combination when there, and I cooked and fed her some of my creations that she would get excited about. I’d share all the mundane things in my life with her, and sometimes she’d hear it before mom and dad even. She was so much more than just a grandma and I'm going to miss her very much. I know she was feeling down, and was probably ready. She spent almost 50 years with my grandpa before he died of a massive heart attack, she's lost a lot of friends recently...but I still thought I had time. There are things even now that I wish I had asked her, and that I won't ever have the answers to now. I won't ever get to hug her again. And I never quite remembered to show her my Boston medal, as I had forgotten to bring it home, then forgotten to show it. There just never is enough time for those that have that special place in our hearts. Christmas is going to be so difficult this year.

I love you grandma. And wherever you are, I hope you are happy and with the loved ones you lost.

Ragnar Relay

So after my experience last year (put in link) of running the NW Passage Ragnar Series relay, I thought it’d be a good time running the one near home. Over the past year I’ve been talking to people, mentioning it and trying to get a team together. I know enough people now that it wasn’t as unfeasible to round them up as I might have otherwise thought. I had a few people from the Runner’s World Forums join up, a friend from college at the U of MN, a friend from college at Mankato and then each of them had friends and rounded it out with a friend that I met at a race and is part of yet another running club…so 12 of us officially registered and waivers signed by mid-July and while there were a few injury scares, everyone came to the start line pretty much injury free. Aches and pains along the way, but things were good for the most part. We even had an extra volunteer after having trouble lining people up!! As we punched in times for people, we realized we had a strong chance at being a contender for placing too…who knew? Our start time was set for 3 pm, the later you start the faster you are, and Van 1, consisting of me and 5 guys (yes, it was a weird set up with that, but that happens to be how it played out with the way the legs were laid out and keeping people together that kind of knew each other and having stronger runners on harder legs etc). We met up at the guys house who had the van and drove down to the start in Winona. We headed out on time and stopped for lunch at Subway on the way down. Got to the start plenty early, got our shirts, were checked in and killed time before the start. Watching the start was fun, I hadn’t done that last time, and then we were off to cheer and catch and swap runners. For those unfamiliar with the relay concept, this is a 194.4 mile race. You have 12 runners (or the ultras will have 6) and 2 vans. The first 6 run the first 6 legs, then you swap vans and eat or sleep in the ‘down time’ while the other van runs. This happens 3 times for a total of 36 legs and each runner doing 3. I was runner 4 and my leg was a harder one since it was almost 8 miles, it was during the day and had a pretty long climb up part of it, thankfully it wasn’t steep. I went out expecting to hopefully run around an 8:30 pace, that’s what I projected for myself and managed to run a 7:45…with others all running hard by the time we met Van 2 at the exchange 6 area we were about 17 minutes ahead of our projected time. My parents had come to see me at my first exchange and cheered me at a couple of spots along the way, which was fun…the dogs were there barking for me too. They were at the finish as well. Funny thing is mom had said I should run it in an hour, I came in just over a minute over that hour so guess she was predicting right. After we passed off to Van 2, we drove to an area to get a bite and watch some of the Vikings game, then headed on to exchange 12 so we could take a little nap before. We had Van 2 call us to let us know when they were getting close and being a little off we were not able to get much of a nap (except one of the guys, he was sawing logs pretty quickly and loudly, and we were outside!!). It was nice weather though, cool, but not so bad we were freezing and it was a very clear night, lots of stars.

Well, I was off on when Van 2 should find us, so we were up sooner than we planned and are now 30 minutes ahead of schedule. They come in, and we get back to work doing our runs, passing off our runners. This leg was my night run. I hadn’t worn a headlamp before, but definitely preferred it for the 6 miles I was running vs carrying a flashlight. It being dark I could only really see Garmin during the splits it fed back to me…and I was off a mile…it was sad when I saw mile 4 come up when I thought I was at mile 5. This also had us off on a side road for about 3 miles, so not on the highway, but it was darker, no shoulder and kind of freaky…I had to remind myself that Michael Meyers and Jason were not real and pray that some freak wasn’t out there watching for lone girls running in the dark…I was doing a pretty good clip here. I had myself down to run a 7:38 pace, and finished the 6 miles Garmin told me I ran (5.9 according to Ragnar) in about 46 minutes…so a 7:41 which was just over my goal. I was tired but happy at the end and winded enough to not quite figure out where Don, who I was passing off to, was standing. Our next two runners finished and we passed off to the other van and headed to Stillwater which was our next big exchange and were we hoped to see our 2 volunteers and take a nap. We did get there in time to see the volunteers and laid down by the river and slept as the sun came up. I was out for an hour, had a false alarm that Van 2 might be close but then slept another 45 minutes and came out feeling refreshed enough to be ready to run again. Our van came in, runner came in and we were off again. Our first runner had a short leg, only 3.1 miles and he had a new PR for that distance on his leg. Our second runner had a decent one and number 3 also kicked out much faster than anticipated and it was my turn again. This time for 4.3 miles. It was on a trail, mostly flat, with a climb at the end. I didn’t really fully realize the climb till I got to it. Oh my God I was ready to cry as it kept going and going and going…over a half mile and a climb of about 300 feet which just for translation ideas I think that’s about a 6 on the treadmill slope…I thought I was going to throw up at one point (this was after really wanting to make my projected 7:30, what I was thinking when I set that one I don’t know) after doing a 7:17 on the first mile…I got to the top, had a slight downhill and then more uphill to pass off my final time. Gatorade was brought to me…and then a nice cold beer…so what if it was only 9:30…anyway, Don’s leg was tough, Tom’s last leg, our fastest runner, was somewhat short so he kicked it out fast and we left Van 2 to finish it up while we had a few beers hanging out at the exchange. Headed to the finish finally, had a bit and bought some beer along the way and then hung out till our van got there and we headed to the finish to cross as a team. Team picture, waited around to find out results and unfortunately we were pushed down and finished 5th in our division. It was too bad as we thought we might place, as of the last I knew we were also 16th overall, which isn’t bad considering they had 233 teams registered. Our final time, again not official, was 24:03 or something like that…not bad being able to run 194.4 miles in just over 24 hours…there is talk of an ultra team next year…and we might try to get a competitive girls team if the guys do that…we’ll see. It was definitely another fun time though and anyone that hasn’t done a relay, I highly recommend it.

Lack of Control

Another bit of time passes…maybe someday I’ll catch up! Anyway, been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting and keeping quite busy, which has kept me from blogging much. Might be coming into the new age again though and getting a data phone so I can actually get online from places other than home. Would never do big posts that way but we’ll see.

Anyway, I’m tired of the lack of control to things in my life. I know, I know, life is about things being out of your control, to some degree at least, but there are some things I’m struggling with. I’ve always been strong about some things, weak on others, and I’ve grown in some areas, become stronger. Namely that comes in the dating arena. With my track record, and yeah, maybe my calling it on being single has jinxed some things, and there are lots of times I’ve been perfectly happy, even better off feeling, being single, than I am if I were with someone, but a lot of things have all come together over the past few months and the pendulum has swung again the direction of feeling a little lonely. I’m not sure what triggered it, yes seeing the ex, but there have been other things. Maybe it was being out a few times with someone and actually having a few snuggle times recently…I didn’t used to be a snuggly person, but sometimes lately I’ve been craving it. Maybe it’s having some friends from South America and Latin America, the openness and hugginess that comes from being around them, makes me want to hug friends of mine that are as standoffish about all that as I used to be. Regardless of what the cause, it’s something kind of beyond me too…I have to admit it, once and for all, no matter how strong I feel, and what I say about it all, there is a little part of me, deep down, that really wishes I could find someone to love and love me…to be with, to even walk down the aisle with. There. I said it. Yes, I’d like to be married…I’m at an age where I thought I’d be celebrating heck, 5, 10 years by now…and no, all I have to show for the last 10 is a showing of a few dates here and there, mostly not, and a 6 month failed relationship…I need to face facts and since I can’t actually say, I want to get married and have it happen, the part I have the control over is saying I’m never going to marry, and accept that. Along with the dating thing…I’m tired of dating, tired of the disappointment that comes with liking a guy and realizing that he’s not quite right, or having him realize you aren’t quite right…it’s disheartening so many times over. I saw the life that maybe could’ve been mine…and I’ve had something recently…well, basically figured out that the guy I want to be with, the guy that I’ve really thought didn’t exist, in fact does exist…no, not my perfect by any means guy, there are some things that don’t factor in if I was creating him from scratch, but he’s real, and the imperfections are acceptable…in general he would be what I’d want. Problem is, I met him about 6 or 7 years too late…see, he’s with someone else. Not just dating. No, they had the ceremony and are bound together. It makes me sad. Particularly since some things have indicated to me that he might, were he free, be interested too. So, that all said…the fact that it’s been flung into my face in that way, I take as a sign from above that I should stop being out there, stop considering it all, stop thinking about the idea of being with someone…because the indication to me in this one is that someone is saying “hey, you are right in what you are thinking…all the good ones ARE taken, so give it up.” And with that said…I close the door on it and am done. Dating sucks and the pool is dry. I’ve always believed there isn’t someone for everyone, I never thought I was one of those.

Now this post might sound depressing…yes, I’m a bit saddened by it, and this little part of me wants to wish for a divorce (it’s not out of the question as she said things to me long ago that indicated it might be going that way, and this was before I even really knew much about him and found that he could be someone I’d like to be with, some things he has said, although he loves her still and isn’t moving to leave, and something an outside source said to me about it not lasting…none of them having any idea of how I felt on any side of it) but I know I can’t. I want him to be happy and he loves her, so I really hope for his sake that the things not working will fix themselves and he can be happy…and I really do honestly mean that. It’d be too complicated even if he were single anyway…so hopefully the things they had agreed to, and she promised and has changed, she’ll realize and work harder to be back to what had been a happy time for both of them and not something making them both miserable. Anyway, while I’m sad, it also hopefully will eventually free me from some of the misery that comes in dating. There are things I will miss…the idea of never kissing someone again makes me sad, as that’s something I really like…always have…that feeling that happens when it’s someone you really connect with…and then of course there are other nice things too…but honestly I’m probably too difficult and set in my ways anyway…and I can tell you with this guy, he’d definitely lose interest quickly because I’m just kind of a boring person. I’ve done a lot of the things I wanted to do, even without the cheerleader I’d have loved having alongside me on my way to Boston…my parents are there no matter what. So with that, I say goodbye to the dating world…hopefully I can still find some friends to hang out with once in a while…maybe it’s time to start my cat collection…

And please, no responses back about "you'll find him now when you're not looking" etc...I'm really serious when I say I'm done, I'm not looking for pep talks about it. I'm just trying to take back the control that I don't have and remind myself of things. I have my health, I have good friends and family that support me, I have a job that is decent and I'm learning on and is paying for my education that I've wanted, I ran Boston, I have the ability to travel...I've got a lot going on, it almost seems selfish to worry about the lack of a guy and/or love or whatever anyway.

Reminder to Self

What I Deserve…

• A guy that will put me first
• A guy that is NOT attached to someone else
• A guy who is not just looking for a fling
• A guy who will treat me as good as I would treat him
• A guy who is fit
  
• A guy I find attractive
• A guy who is intelligent
• A guy that will make me smile more than he makes me cry

Why I Deserve this…

• I am intelligent
• I am a good person
• I am financially stable
• I am emotionally stable
• I am attractive
• I am fit
• I have a career
  
• I am told I'm attractive
  

OK…yes, this is something I have to post. I have to see it written as a reminder. It’s also posted on my mirror…and yes, there is reason for it.

Third 20

OK, is it bad that I've done one marathon already this year and only just did my 3rd 20+ run of the year? Yesterday met some friends and did 2 loops of the lakes for right at 20. We were all dying at the hill at mile 18.5 so walked it, and thought about run walking the rest of the way, but I think we all wanted to be done. It was tough and tiring...didn't drink enough water and probably didn't eat enough sharkies/shot blocks or anything I had brought along, but oh well. Survived it. A bit dehydrated though as I went to a party and had a headache that I attributed to dehydration, and being tired...My friend told me I'm never allowed to do 20 miles before one of his parties again. OK...guess that's fair! It was fun though, even though I was exhausted. On the agenda today. Need to run, but probably not till later. Going to get another hour or so of studying then get some lunch and maybe go picnic at the lake with it. Panera is on the way...need to run a few errands too. Maybe I should go look at replacement flooring...need to do that. I have the insurance money for mine that got ruined, now I need to make the arrangements to get it replaced...

Rules and Laws

OK, there are some dumb ones out there, we all know that. There are even some dumb new ones and I swear they are dumbing down American more and more with some of them…but some of them are there for a reason and a problem with kids today, parents aren’t teaching them the rules and laws and that they need to follow them!! This hit me today when I ran into a situation of this exact problem. I was driving to the gym at lunch…I drive on some really busy roads. There is one spot that has another major road (both have bike paths on them) so there is a stoplight. There were some adults with a group of kids, probably ages 5-12, all on bikes…was guessing a daycare out on an outing…there were probably 30 or so kids…(and only two adults which I believe should not have been happening!!) The light had been green for them, and they started across the road. One adult at the front, one at the back, and they had the kids walking their bike across, which is good to teach. The problem…the light changed to green for the cars going the other direction BEFORE the kids were all across. So for another 2-3 minutes, when the lights were green, the cars on both sides remained stopped as the kids crossed, but what if someone had been in a hurry, was watching the lights and just gunned it? The person at the back should’ve come up and stopped the half of the group that wasn’t going to make it across (the lights give plenty of warning with the walk sign flashing to let you know it’s no longer safe to walk) and waited with them, sending the rest over when the light changed. What are these kids going to think if they are at a light on their own sometime?? Why should they think they have to stop, cars will wait for them even if they are crossing illegally right? And only having two adults with that many kids on bikes, when the ages were that variant, was probably not a good idea either…but I’m sorry, I’m a big one on teaching kids properly…when they are young is when they are impressionable! And this is a LAW, not like it’s just an etiquette rule or something.

And more time has passed….

Last week I ran a 5K. It was a busy race here, more of a “fun run” than anything but last minute a friend wanted to do it so I said yes. Once we were there I could feel I had something in me and was ready to do a hard run, but unfortunately this one of “those” races…you know, where the walkers feel they need to be in front. Anyway, first mile, due to dodging and trying to get running room was only 9 minutes…second and third managed to do a bit better and finished overall in 25:03 for a 3.25 5K according to Garmin (and yes, the dodging I’m sure added that distance!). After we chilled, had a beer and that was about it. I had a good week and managed to finish with 40 miles total, and a very decent 7 miler the night before and now knowing that I have better runs in me for 5K…

Last night I ran with friends and we did some pick ups and last one (all half milers) I hit in about 3:23 so that was pretty nice too. I think I’m deciding to really make a goal of hitting a hard run at Nike (provided I can get ahead of all the slower runners!). Had a slight change to my Nike plans happen though. My friend that I was going to stay with, and hang with, lost her job and is now in the process of moving cross country back to DC where she was before her move…sigh…I do have a friend that lives in LA that might be up for coming up and hanging out, and I have a few other people that I know are going to be out there for the race, so I have options of people to hang with, but on the other hand I’m not overly worried about it as I’m only there about 4 days anyway, I just have to find a hotel and get it booked…not wanting to spend a ton, but wanting something decent and in a good area, close to the start! I’ve done other trips solo that ended up great, I usually don’t have a problem managing to find people to talk with …and the touring and such I can do on my own…it’s kind of a prep run for myself too cause in December I think I’m going to take a trip someplace warm for 4-5 days on my own. I just have to decide where…so really people, provided I can find a trip for the $1000-1200 I’m willing to pay for the warmth for that time frame…any suggestions on where I can go and how I can do it for that or less? I’d love to see Grand Cayman, but not sure I can do it for that price. Aruba I hear is nice. Jamaica maybe. Thought about St Lucia or the Bahamas…my biggest thing though is I’d like adults only. I don’t want to go someplace to relax and have a bunch of kids running around…thoughts and suggestions would be awesome!

Ragnar now in 3 weeks…class finishes on Monday for a month…summer is finally going to start for me, just before it ends! Maybe one of these days I can catch up. Was talking with some people last night too…I might be doing the Berlin marathon next year!

Is Summer Back?

OK, I've been MIA for a bit. And now I've kind of lost the ambition, after reading and catching up on blogs, to actually write something. Let's see. I managed 50 miles this week. Strength trained for 30 minutes 3 days, did a day or two of cycling in there. Three of my runs were with others. One on Tuesday turned into 10 miles over the 8 I figured I'd do simply because I ran some miles and then some more with friends. Wednesday was an interesting trail run and then on Saturday a run around the lakes with friends.

After a couple of cold days, we seem to have found summer again. I hope it stays. I spent today working for a bit on my paper, the standard Sunday call to mom and dad (dutiful daughter that I am), some cleaning, a run, showered and then headed to Lake Calhoun. On the way I stopped and bought a few flowers to replace some that I had managed to let die by not watering them (not used to having to water so often as normally we get some rain!). I spent a little time lounging at the lake and then went and rented a kayak, something I have been talking about doing forever, every year I say I'm going to do and it don't manage it, but today I did...and did it for an hour. On the way home I stopped at Slumberland and bought a dining room set...I've been looking for something forever and finally found something I like. Hopefully it works nice in my space. Then just for good measure I stopped at the gym and did 30 minutes of strength (oh yeah, had some yoga in the mix this morning) and then got home and had a good dinner of chicken breast and salad...it was yummy...and a productive day I think.

Blast from the Past

Kind of weird sometimes, how life can be. Particularly with the reflections in my last post. I went to watch fireworks tonight with a friend. We chose the display where a friend and her husband were working. He has a corn roasting business and the place they were at, was one of the options I had mentioned to go see. So around 8:30 we got down there and wandered a bit, had some snacks and my friend had gone over to do something and I was standing near the corn stand and I hear my named called, turn my head to look and my long ago ex was there. It was the oddest thing. I haven't seen him since 2000, at a friends wedding. We broke up in 1998. I’ve had brief updates about him from mutual friends over the years and found him on Linkedin and emailed him just out of curiosity but it was just so weird seeing him. He had his youngest with him, and I believe his daughter was there briefly as we were saying goodbye. Basically I saw what could have been my life. I said as much to the friend that I was with after we left too. See, this was the guy that I dated at the time that I really thought I would get married. We had been together 2 1/2 years. I was 24, everyone we knew was getting married...it seemed like what we should be doing, but instead we broke up. I was devastated when it happened as I had finally had all my walls broken down, and was finally in a place where I wanted to be with someone. It had taken a long time because I had always been very independent and being able to be with someone, fully be with them, it took a lot from me. When we broke up, it definitely took me a long time to get back to being happy alone and being comfortable being alone. Since the time we broke up I've really only been in one relationship, and that only lasted 6 months (and that was 2 years ago). I did get closure from it eventually though, and I think the changes I took from that relationship are actually definitely for the better for me. He was really a great guy, and I wish it had been right, but it was one of those things that in reflection I know it would never worked because we were just not quite right for each other. I guess it was one of those instances of the people that come into your life for their specific purposes and that’s that. I’m definitely not sad or upset that I am not with him. I wish him the best and he seems happy and I'm happy for him in that. It is interesting though, to see what could’ve been your life had things been different. I still don’t feel that I want kids, seeing him with his, it’s definitely good that he is with who he was…Although I had always known he would make a great father and if we had been together probably would’ve had one or two with him…but that was a different me and would’ve been a different life. And I’m happy with where I am. Had I been with him, who knows if I would’ve become a marathon runner and run Boston and I’d definitely never give up that experience. I have to say though, probably part of my problem in dating these days is that he set such high standards in me for what I want to date…it was almost all there, in him…

What's Wrong with Me?

OK, I’m seriously messed up and I can’t figure out what is wrong with me. I did my work out today. 7 miles of speedwork. I haven’t done speedwork in a really long time. 6 x 800 with 400 recovery. Mile and a half warm up and mile cool down. It felt good. For the most part. 3:47 for the first one, my plan had been 3:45 but the next 5 were 3:35, 3:31, 3:28, 3:31, 3:33 or something to the affect.

Afterward…I stretched. I was feeling good and am glad I got out when I did because the track got busier after. However, I LOVE that I was there at first where I was because I saw a guy doing speedwork and he was running inner lane like we normally would. And I saw him going slow in the inner lane…but once I joined him, he moved to outer lanes (the same way I did) when it came to doing the slow laps and inner lane, for speed, the way it should be. I LOVE when people know the track etiquette!

But also I am feeling so messed up. I finished the workout and instead of feeling that elation of being done and knowing it was a good workout…I suddenly wanted to cry. At the end of my run, while I was walking and cooling down, I started thinking about families, and kids and I wonder at the fact that I’m broken. I feel bad for my parents. 3 kids, 1 over 30, 1 almost 30 and one getting close to 27 and no grandkids. Mom has had her kicks of wanting to have a grandbaby, but says she’s over it…I feel for dad too and this part of me wonders what is it that is wrong with me that I don’t want kids. I'm supposed to want them right? I mean in a way it’s probably good because I’d really be depressed right now since I don’t have access to the stuff that helps make that baby…OK, I have access to it, just not full time regular access that I’d need if I was going to create that baby (no, I really would NOT want to be a single parent!). I can’t even get myself into the mindset of wanting to be attached. I freak out about anything that might lead to something…OK, not really, the most recent guy I was out with that could’ve gone somewhere but I freaked a bit. But then again, it was in part that it wasn’t right with that one. As it hasn’t been with a lot of them…I had this idea to start putting it out there, and seriously being interested in meeting people, but not sure how much of that I’m really trying. Damned if I do and damned if I don’t? But back to the kid thing...I feel bad for mom and dad and their lack of grandkids. And you know, I'd be really upset if my little sister does give them a first grandchild, since that should be my thing...how messed up is that when I don't even want them?

An Interesting Concept

I get why people become vegetarian on some levels. I mean I can understand people doing it for political reasons, and I can honestly respect that, as long as they don’t push their beliefs on me because growing up in southern MN I grew up on meat, and while I eat much less now than I used to, I still like my burgers, steaks, chops and many other parts of a pig, cow or chicken that can be grilled up and taste yummy! Also, I’m a fussy eater and if it wasn’t for meat, I’d really be in trouble when it comes to getting enough protein as I would not eat tofu, I only like some beans, soy burgers, while I’ll admit I tried a Boca burger once and wasn’t horrified at the taste, it wasn’t bad and I could almost eat a whole one I think, but it’s still not beef…which I really do want once in a while.

Anyway, this weekend I was in Chicago visiting friends, one of whom is vegetarian, and I knew when she went vegetarian she mentioned it in weight loss…which I didn’t really fully understand because meat can be incorporated into a weight loss diet easy enough…but in discussions over the weekend I did discover something I wasn’t aware of. Namely the fact that meat can cause issues for some people. Now I know some people have dairy issues, and there are other foods some people can’t eat. I have a fairly hearty stomach though (except for onions in certain form, usually on pizza and in the form of onion rings and fresh ground pepper) and can handle most things, although maybe my fussy palate makes it so that I don’t eat things that would cause issues (makes me think of the movie Along Came Polly where they eat Indian or some type of food that Ben Stiller’s character has issues with…I’m sure that would be me, sorry if that’s TMI!!). Anyway, I have a friend that eats steak before marathons. Now I don’t do that, but I do usually have pasta with meat sauce. And I have had times when I’ve eaten a burger the night before a long run…or a chicken breast with my pasta…and never have had any issues. But the friends I was visiting, one who went vegetarian because of her problems with meat, and the other who usually doesn’t eat meat the night before big runs because he has issues with it too. I mean I guess I have heard that some people do have issues with meat and digesting it, it is something that some people just can’t handle…or maybe something in their body changes over time and it’s less able? I guess I’m glad that I’m OK and able to eat meat and still do well on long runs! Heck, reminds me that I had chicken parmesan the night before Boston and while 4:14 is far from my best, I definitely could’ve done better even on the lack of training I did had I not been dinking around…so guess for me it works. I do occasionally have my no meat days, today is one of them as I had eggs for breakfast, peanut butter sandwich for lunch and most likely a veggie pizza for dinner before class. So yeah, meat isn’t a thing I HAVE to have everyday, but it’s not something I think hurts my performance either. Considering I had the 3:30 nailed had the weather been more ideal at Twin Cities…I don’t think cutting out meat would make me any faster considering I’m almost at my potential (I really do think I have a 3:25 in me but not much faster than that).

I did find it interesting and enlightening to a degree though, hearing how some people don’t digest it well and it affects them in ways that are less than ideal for running. You read so many things that deny we are meant to eat meat and then the counter of that…as long as you can get a healthy diet, for those that choose to be vegetarian I say more power to them and if it does help you feel better in exercising that’s awesome too. I just know that my fussiness wouldn’t allow me to do it healthfully…I also do think my body informs me when I need something more. I really don’t eat a lot of red meat, but there are times that it just really is something I need/want…and I figure that just means my iron levels are down!

A Fitness Challenge

So, yesterday I was emailing with a friend and after running her first marathon last weekend she decided she needs to get in shape and really focus cause she wants to kick it down on her next one (she got caught in the heat of Grandma's last weekend and didn't quite meet her guilt) and wants to get more fit before then. I really want to get fit for running and a few other reasons of which I might or might not share at some point...Anyway she tells me yesterday that "today is go day" and I said you know, I am focused and need to do something too. So I suggest how about we both set some goals and do a challenge of sorts...we are running the Ragnar Relay in August...so that set a good deadline for start of goals anyway. So yesterday we set 6 goals each, and they have money penalties to them...at Ragnar we each hand over an envelope to the other for anything we miss! I figured posting here might keep me even better so here are my goals:

1) No eating after 8 pm with the exception of Monday night since I have class, and allowed one other for special circumstances - If I cheat, it's $1 per time
2) Work out at least 6 days a week, and a workout consists of at least 30 minutes, also need to have 2 strength sessions in there - If I miss, again it's $1 per time
3) Yoga workouts, 20 minutes twice a week, or 1 class a week - If I miss, $1 per time
4) Calorie limits, 2200 or less on days I work out, 1800 or less on days I don't, with the exception of days of heavy workouts - Over and it's $1
5) Weigh in each week, even if overall I meet my weight goal - If I go over in a week $1
6) Weight goal, 128 pounds by Ragnar - Over that and I owe $5

My goal NOT to owe anything!

So today I weighed in, after a sweaty run in a heat index around 100...hill workout. I went up and over and back up and down, 4 times...about .5 mile up on one side, a bit steeper and shorter on the other. I did a total of 7 miles. I also got a yoga session in.

Then I got up this morning and ran 4 miles in some humidity...and did a strength session for 35 minutes (this was my second of the week too with one more planned strength on Friday before my trip to Chicago). Went to work, and then after work, I ran 6 miles from the gym and managed 45 minutes on the bike...that equals out to about 2 1/2 hours of workouts today.

Some People Just Can't Help Being A**holes...

Well, no, I shouldn't say that, because it is something you CAN control. You just stay out of the world and lock yourself away so those of us enjoying a nice day can enjoy it! This morning I was up and out fairly early for a run since it's going to be a hot (and humid) one today. I was out on a path near my house...easy 5 mile loop (that was slow and crappy unfortunately), down the road along the sidewalk to the park that has a walking path around it...was on the walking path, and as is my habit, I was running on the left side of the path. I mean you are supposed to be on the left on roads, so I just kind of stay that way on pedestrian paths too. Not like it matters cause people are all over the place and right down the middle on them. Thankfully this is a pretty quiet path so not a lot of people out...I had to move once or twice, a few others moved...but there was one guy that he was on the far right edge for him, which was far left for him...I would've stepped off the path, but he finally moved and stopped, turned to me and said "aren't you on the wrong side of the road"...umm...well, technically no, first, ped paths don't seem to have a "right of way" side to them, BUT if we were on the road, I was on the right side of it running on the left, into traffic right? Anyway, just annoyed me...I dislike people like that. I'm sorry, I'm out to enjoy the day, I don't need your crap...the bath is wide enough for 3-4 across the path and it was just him and me at that point...was it hard to move a couple steps over? (granted I could've moved around him too, but I partly run the left side too cause it's a circle and outer gets me more distance anyway). Ah well. It's a nice day. I'm meeting a friend to golf in a little while and then we are going to a music thing that I won tickets to. And it's going to be a nice day. Better get the sunscreen out!

Hello Kitty Guilt?

Hmm…I’m trying to decide if I should feel guilty…there might be a 50 something guy walking around with this on his, bicep, butt cheek, something, after this weekend…and I’m partly responsible...

Oops…see, my boss told me this little town near where his lake cabin is has a bar where this weekend every year Brother Bear, and Sister Bear…tattoo artists, stop in and bring their ink and needles and tat up people while they are at the bar. And apparently as Brother and Sister Bear proceed through the night, drinking along with the clientele at the bar, they get more and more creative with the tattoos…My boss has a couple of buddies coming with him to the cabin this weekend and he and one of the guys decided the other guy should get something tattooed onto him…my boss asked me for suggestions. I sent him the above, he sent it to the other guy and the other guy thought it was great…my boss’ wife is ready to throw 20 bucks in toward it…after mentioning the victim’s, I mean guy getting tattooed, wife would never let him go out with my boss and the other guy again. I originally suggested Funshine Bear…so should I feel guilty? Yes, have I mentioned that I have a great boss? In all honesty I don’t think my boss would really go through with having this guy get a tattoo like that, and not in that situation, but you never know…

And wow, it’s getting so sporadic when I’m posting these days. And I’m getting even less reading done…but it’s been hectic. I have class every Monday night, after a day of work, from 5:30-9:45…OK, so we got done at 9:15 two of the nights so far which is nice, and third night was an exam so got done a bit earlier too (she lectured first). But it makes for a long night. Last week on Tuesday…hmm…I might have been home, but now can’t recall. Wednesday I went to see Bob Schneider, good band if you haven’t seen them and get a chance (out of Austin, TX). Thursday I was exhausted from the show on Wednesday and whatever I can’t remember doing on Tuesday. Friday was out with a friend to see a movie, we had drinks first and then after, movie sucked (Drag me to Hell, I had heard it was actually scary, so was not!) and Saturday I met up with and ran with a friend and then chilled for a while before getting my sister and her boyfriend from the airport and then dinner with mom and dad. Sunday I had to spend studying for my test that was not as good of studying as I had hoped. This week Tuesday I worked out with my trainer and then ran some errands, last night I met up with friends after a rough day and had a cocktail and dinner…tonight is dinner with a friend that I haven’t seen in probably 5 years? Wow. Has it been that long? Then it’s the weekend and I still haven’t gotten much done classwise…sigh…

Training…not going well. I need to buckle down on that. I haven’t really thrown much of any speed work in. I did do a tempo run at the gym last week and managed 6 miles at 8:20 pace, 4 of the miles tempo were supposed to be at 8 minute pace, trying to work that down then as time goes on, but only one made it at 7:58, the others were 8:09, 8:04 and I can’t recall the first but think it was maybe 8:15…so a lot of work to do if I’m going to PR at the half…particularly PR by about 4 minutes.

A Quick Update

Wow, time is really passing and no new update. Nothing really to report but since I have a few minutes right now, although maybe I should get up and walk, I'm in class for another 3 hours, anyway, thought I'd do a quick update. Financial Accounting on Monday nights...other than that the typical. Trying to get my running up as I'm 19 weeks from Nike and that means about 14 weeks to another I might do in September...and only 9 weeks from my goal half that I want to run this summer. I want to get a guaranteed entry into NY and only way to do that is PR in the half...1:38...I really do think I can do it if I can get healthy. I think I need to check into massage and accupuncture to see if it will loosen things up. Was at the farmer's market, brunch and an art fair over the weekend. Up way too early so took a nap yesterday afternoon and then was in bed early and slept so hard and long it felt great. Wish I could do that every night. I'm also in a sad state of confusion over something else I alluded to a while back. Not sure what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling about something...I am a committmentphobe it definitely seems. Sigh...

Cookware!

It's so fun...I appreciate the suggestions from those that commented. I ended up buying a combination of some All Clad, which will be my staple pieces, and a Scanpan fry pan...They will be my non-stick pieces, I got one but will end up buying another one or two. Anyway, the pieces I bought are the staple ones. Stock pot, sauce pan that I can add a double boiler to, smaller sauce pan, and a saute pan. I got the Master Chef2 series, but plan to get some stainless pieces as well. I have at least enough to start and will be able to add things to my Christmas list now! The only problem with the MC2 is they can't go in the dishwasher, but not sure I'd put them in or not.

Also, in other news, I managed to run a good week. I still couldn't get up to a double digit run...ran only 9 yesterday, but did a second 5 miler so for the day I did double digits. And ended the week with 36 miles with having 2 days of no running in there. Hopefully I can continue to add to that...of course that was a bit over since I haven't done a ton of running since Boston and only did 28 last week...a bit too much increase probably but oh well.

A Question to Those who Like to Cook

I decided not to buy the fun little toy...that Solstice I posted about. I'm just too practical to buy something so impractical...and give up some of the other things I might want over the next couple of years. Maybe someday.

Anyway, I still owe myself a birthday present. What I've decided is I want a nice cookware set. I've been doing some research and I think I've narrowed it down to All-Clad or Scanpan...unless someone out there has something else they really love and can recommend? Or I'm considering buying the All-Clad (I'm debating on the stainless or MC2 sets) base set, and then get a Scanpan or two (for the non-stick)...I just can't decided. Help!! If you have nice cookware, what do you have and what do you love about it?

It's Weird How Life Plays Out...

Wow…how time flies and how things change. I remember back to elementary school, when I still thought boys were icky, but knew that they were who you had to marry some day…because that was my plan. I mean you get married when you get older right? That was what I thought at least, so when we played the game MASH, I would choose getting married at 22, 23, 24 and having 1, 2 or 3 kids…and now 20 odd years later, I’m still single, no kids and pretty sure I don’t want them. You just don’t know how life is going to be. It’s an adventure everyday and there are things I’ve learned…

18 years ago I was in love with that boy band New Kids on the Block…was DYING to meet them and never in a million years did I think it would happen. In the last year I met them…twice.

21 years ago, I was running track, 1 mile at most and no one could get me into the 2 mile…no way no how I was going to run that freaking far…I didn’t even KNOW what distance the marathon was…I knew nothing about it. In the last 5 years I have run 7 of them…with the pleasure of qualifying for Boston last fall and running Boston itself a month ago.

16 years ago I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up…college but for what? I’m still figuring that one out, but I’m now in grad school…and it’s definitely helping me move ahead.

When I was a child I never thought I’d get to adulthood, not that I thought I wouldn’t live to it, but that I would never get older, be old enough to do things…I still find it weird to think of myself as an adult. And today was just a reminder again of that adulthood…the anniversary of the day I first made my appearance in this world. It’s actually been a good last year, the upcoming one will hopefully be even better. Lots of new opportunities and I’m looking forward to it. And hey, I'm in a new age group now too for races. And there might be someone new in the picture too...that is for another post...at another time.

Yes, It's Spring

Have I ever mentioned how much I love spring? Yes, anyone who has been reading here for any period of time probably does know, but man...I really do love this time of year. I went for a run on Monday and tonight...normally this wouldn't be a big deal but since Boston I have only run once a week and the most was 5 miles...partly I've been busy, partly I was still hurting (not from Boston but from that stupid back issue I still have, well, OK, hip). But Monday it was nice, and after meeting with someone to talk to them about my job (information interview) I really was happy to be out in upper 60s temps, no wind, sun, and the wonderful, wonderful smells of spring. There is no other season that brings out these smells and feelings. Summer really doesn't have smells so much, other than that sultriness on the warm nights. Winter is too cold to try to smell and fall gives me hayfever (OK, it can have nice smells but not enough) but Spring, wonderful Spring...it smells of that fresh scent of new rain...the first time the grass is cut, and the wonderful, wonderful flowers that bathe the air in their heady perfume. It's so fantastic and I can imagine it, and wish for it all year long, but now that it's here...and really, May is the month that it just really hits you most. Tonight was anther run like that. I could see and smell it everywhere. Lilacs are on the verge of full bloom. Apple, crab apple, cherry, and who knows what other trees are pretty and smell wonderful. Why can't it be like this year round?

Decision Time

I always said this was going to be my birthday present this year...

You'd think the deals would be killer but so far nothing quite at the price I'm willing and I haven't done much looking for financing except through a bank...thing is, how bad do I really want it?