What Can You Expect...

From a day that begins with getting up in the morning? I used to have that T-shirt…I loved that shirt…and for some reason today is starting to feel that way and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because due to lack of activity this week, but no cutting back on eating, I’m up a pound, so at 6 that I’d like gone in just over a month and a half (and 2 more by my big race day). Actually got up and went to the gym for only the second time this week (I kept resetting my alarm cause I just didn’t want to get out of bed) and lo and behold, hottie was there!! I hadn’t seen him in almost two weeks…and yay…he was there…working his abs…biking, then I assume down to strength train (by that point I had jumped on a bike, just to be nearer him, even though I was two bikes away from him AND not looking at him…I’m bummed I was in a bad place as he got off the bike just after I got on and wiped his face with his shirt, I could’ve gotten a glimpse of what I am assuming is a nicely toned tummy had I just stayed on the mats and worked my abs for 5 more minutes…sigh)…one thing I was finally able to remember to look at is his left hand…no ring!! Of course what does that mean…that he’s maybe not married (could be and just doesn’t wear a ring OR might not wear it during workouts), doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a girlfriend (or boyfriend for that matter, I’m not really getting that vibe from him, but you never know). Anyway…we all know I won’t talk to him anyway, but you’d think it would’ve started my day right. And it might have. But I started thinking…yeah…bad thing for a Friday. Where did my thoughts go?? Well, to the pathetic thing that is my love life…and I honestly don’t know why. I’m about over that I’m feeling down because it’s winter/transition time to spring (which is still is in the great north, but I’m past those feelings, or so I thought) and it’s too early for me to be wishing I was attached to someone right now (haven’t been out to see couples walking around and enjoying time in the nice days with each other). In fact, I still look at things with some of my friends and am SO GLAD I’m NOT attached…but still…something weird is going on. I think it’s the fact that while my love life is pathetic, maybe it’s the fact that I rang in the new year with Dom and the three dates I’ve been on (with three different guys) this year were far from the look and/or feel of Dom dates…

Date 1 was a long past due movie date with C…yes…the same C that I had all the stuff going on from last year…bad, bad, bad…but it was beginning of the year, I was a big tipsy and, well, you know…things happen. We went to see Juno, good movie, he paid, although made mention of that I make more money etc…so I paid for the beers we had after…he didn’t say again anything about it, but I felt obligated…

Date 2 was the wine date…yes, where I ended up with the $10 glass vs. the $6 glass (not that it would’ve been THAT big of a deal but I wasn’t trying to get something expensive when I thought the guy was paying, for that price I would’ve picked something other than what I had) and then paid for my two glasses…I did see him out one night after that but didn’t even talk to him…no interest in going out with him again for many, many reasons…

Date 3 was a dinner/drink date…we were going to go see a movie and instead hung out a bit, had some wine and then went to get a bite to eat…and he asked me to throw in $10 on it…my beers were $3 a piece and I had only eaten a little of the pizza, we went more cause he was hungry, not me…but oh well.

Yes…can we say I’ve been on dates with…well, one of my friends likes to tease me about my “losers”…let me clarify on that…the guys, youngest was 35…then one was 40, the other 41…wouldn’t you think that at that point in their lives they’d have their acts together? Well, OK, the cheap guy does own a house, the other two, well, one got divorced and let his ex have everything, no fault divorce state and even though she cheated, he got screwed, oh and lost his job shortly after that too. Then let himself get screwed by the army when he signed up for reserves and gee, what a surprise, they didn’t follow through on promises he’d been given. (supposed to see him tonight, but thinking I’m going to skip it…he’s thinking we’ll meet up and leave together…I’m thinking no) and the other, well, 40, no college degree, works as a server, rents an apartment…and he has no kids and no divorce and still can’t seem to get his act together…what is wrong with me?? Ah…let’s not answer that one!! One thing though, that I’ve finally, duh Danielle, come to a realization on. I deserve better!! Yes, I’m slow sometimes…but you know, I’m almost 34…ugh…but I own my condo, I have owned it for almost 7 years. I own my car (and I have a fairly decent, reliable car). I have two student loans but should have them paid off this year. I have a good job, with opportunities for advancement within the company and the opportunity for educational advancement through a very nice tuition reimbursement plan. I have nominal credit card debt (that I pay off every month, only reason there is a bigger debt right now is my laptop and booking a vacation and a maintenance thing on my car and it will be paid off when it comes due). I take care of myself by trying to eat healthy and running like a mad woman. I’m also fairly intelligent…but I’m also very independent which is somewhat a turn off I’ve found (even though most guys I know say they want independence they don’t seem to know what to do with it, or intelligence for that matter). All I can say is there is definitely a lacking of quality men…and I seem to keep finding guys that are either freaking out at the idea of a date (after being asked on a date and agreeing I have heard the “I’m not looking for something serious” umm…yeah…neither am I!) or a guy that is wanting some super serious right away…(I recently heard, when I say I’m not looking to get married, “you just don’t want to marry me” or something to that effect from someone I haven’t even really been on date with…yeah…not sure which is scarier!!).

So yes…this is my life…I think I need to do the ban on dating again. It just doesn’t seem worth it. Not unless there is a quality person to date…I’m not looking for anything long term. I’m not looking for that end all be all life partner. I’m really not even looking. But if something came along, that was worth it…someone to run with on occasion and do some of the things I like to that it seems my friends are never around for…maybe then? I hate that I’m writing this and even considering thoughts like this…because it makes me sound like one of those “oh whoa is me, I can’t find a guy” and that’s not it…I think what it is, is that I want all guys to be away, unless they are quality!! Someone with…potential…so how do you ban dating and still potentially find that??